The Feeling of Rest

On this mission to learn rest that Jesus has set me off to explore, I've been waiting for the feeling of rest. As He has taught me and led me on this journey, I had this innate sense that I would not only practice rest, but also feel it. I knew the feeling I would experience - it was like the understanding was just built into me. When it happened, I'd know it.

Well, it's happened. Real soul rest. I've been practicing the things God has shown me, using the tools He's given me. Life has gotten no easier; it's every bit as challenging as its ever been. I'm still a mom, still an employee in a demanding field, still a grad school student, still a friend who grieves when her friends grieve, still a woman who loves deeply and experiences things with intensity. No, life is the same from a circumstantial perspective. Where it's markedly different is margin.

There is still a long way for me to go with Jesus on this journey, but even just the little bit of margin I've been able to clear, and then protect (you'd be surprised at how easy it is press things out into the margin) has made an enormous difference in my ability to rest. Having an appropriate theology of rest, learning to trust my Father with more of me, has thwarted some of my striving and trying and planning and figuring and fixing. And in the quiet, in the margin, I am held by my Father. I can lean against His chest and just be. No expectations. Nothing to do or fix. Who I am is enough because I lean against the Rock of Ages and He is more than capable of supporting me and filling the broken spots.

One of my favorite areas of margin is my gym time. For the first time in my whole life I'm going to the gym not to achieve something, but because I find it relaxing to exercise. I go with no expectations to just move my body and to enjoy that movement. Not to lose weight, not to please others, not to achieve some goal. Just one hour to myself nearly every day where my mind can be empty and I can mentally check out and let Jesus run the world without - gasp - my help. In that hour I'm not trying to do anything other than enjoy good music (on my iPod, not the gym set list) and just be. When I leave, I'm rested and ready to take on the rest of the day.

And, shock of all shocks, God also gives me peace and soul rest. I leave at peace in my soul, which He promises in His word multiple times. Believing God is who He says He is, taking Him at that, and using the tools He has given me has brought me an enormous level of rest. I don't feel nearly as exhausted as I did. I still have to be very careful not to fill all available time with activities. I still have to say no to good things. I have to trust that when I have to say no and can't help with something, serve in an area, go out with a friend, that God has that covered and is not only enough for me - He's also enough for them and that situation. And in that I can rest and learn to trust more deeply. And rejoice in my loving Father who knows the rhythm my life should have.