Freedom in Embracing Failure

The more I delve into this whole feeling worthy thing, the more I embrace who God says I am, the more I believe I am enough (despite all the imperfections I could spend hours detailing for you), the more I see freedom in embracing failure.

I'm not talking about wantonly doing a terrible job at something or being dispassionate, or lacking compassion and how my actions affect someone else. I'm talking about the fact that I will fail, despite at times my best efforts, but even in that place of failure I don't cease being enough or loved. In that place of failure (which often accompanied by pain) I experience God's grace deeply, I learn lessons about dark areas in my heart that need Jesus' healing, and I learn how very dependent I am on Jesus for everything (which I conveniently forget when things are easy or I'm successful).

I used to fear failure, so I never took real chances. Okay, I need to be real here - I was terrified in a phobic way of failure. If I couldn't be successful I often didn't try. Or if I did try, I threw everything I had at it, including my identity, and when it didn't work out I took a huge hit and was wounded deeply. And this was a cycle to end all cycles that just kept happening over and over and over again. I was seriously failure averse. The quest for perfectionism was sapping me of the relationships I needed, sapping me of joy, and sapping me of God's grace. I was so afraid if I was known I'd be rejected and that any love for me was predicated on what I could accomplish. It was a one-way ticket to bondage.

Now, I'm learning that failure is both inevitable and beautiful. Which is slightly terrifying. I'd be lying if I said I like failure. Of course I don't! But it will happen and if I embrace it and bring it to Jesus (who already knows anyway) I have great freedom there. I'm free to make mistakes and grow. I'm free to let people love me even when I've been a dork. I'm free to feel God's incredible grace wash over me. I'm just plain free.

So the more I grow, the more I trust, the more I am embracing failure. It's a little scary at times, but it's also the best way to live. At least that's how I feel!