Have you ever gone back and re-read a journal? Or a blog post from time past? I have and it can be a really interesting little excursion down memory lane. God set me off on a journey of knowing Him more deeply about 12 years ago. It's been an incredibly wild ride, to be sure - one filled with incredible highs, gut-wrenching lows, and times of "normalcy" (if there really is such a thing). The past three years have been exceptionally interesting as the foundation He laid in knowledge became my functional reality. I never thought that I would be able to comfortably say "I have worth and value, and I'm enough right now, even with all the flaws I can see and the ones I can't but know are there." Believing that I'm okay, that I'm enough, gives me freedom to be who God created me to be without apology and to explore all that He might have for me.
And even in that, there is still a fear of authenticity. I'm able to feel how different I am from years past. Oh, don't get me wrong I'm still me, but my way of processing and seeing things is much more mature. But even knowing that I'm free to be me, that who I am is enough, there is still a nagging fear deep down that who I am really might prove to be problematic. What if people don't like who I really am? I don't mean the random Joe off the street. I could care less if people I don't know like me. It's the people I love the deepest that I get scared of losing. As I continue to embrace who God made me to be and explore things more fully, what if the people I love most don't really like who I am and drop me like a hot potato?
Talk about a mind job from the enemy, right?! Fear is such a rate limiter in my life. I've let fear of the unknown, the "what if," control me on many occasions. Honestly, some fears do happen, but many don't. And those that have come to fruition have all been handled by a loving God. I'm still here, still standing, still growing. I do not want to let fear dictate what I will/will not do. Will I fail at times? Good gracious, of course. Do I need to fear failure? No. God's grace is sufficient. And hopefully those in my life who do truly love me will extend grace and keep on loving me anyway. So I take a deep breath and I walk forward, trusting Jesus more than anything and staying the course of following Him in all that I do.
What about you? What do you fear that causes you to struggle with walking forward? With embracing who God created you to be and wholly seeking His face?
Friday, December 21, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Let me know redemption wins...
Today I cried myself to work, all nine miles of my commute. This morning I dropped my sobbing son off at school, kissed him goodbye, and watched the principal escort him to his class. I won't see him again until Wednesday - he'll be at his dad's for Christmas.
This isn't the first Christmas I've spent without him. In fact, other than his first two Christmases, this has been our life. Once his dad and I separated we had to share the day. Because of Isaiah's disability when the day falls near his dad's weekend and too many transitions would be more harmful than good He stays at his dad's. That's been the past two years.
There are far worse things that could be happening in my life. I know that so many people are suffering with a first Christmas where a lost child will not be seen again this side of heaven. I know that the odds are that on Wednesday morning he'll come home and we'll have our Christmas a day late. We'll have fun and laugh and today's pain will be forgotten.
What I also know is that it's okay to feel how I feel. A wise counselor once told me that just because someone else has a broken leg doesn't mean that my broken arm doesn't hurt. I don't use this pain as an entitlement for selfishness, but I surely do acknowledge that it's here and cry out to God for comfort, for myself and for my sweet son who would much rather mom and dad had stayed married and going between two very different places wasn't part of his life.
And God is merciful. When I hurt this much and the tears flow unabated I've learned to worship. For me, I can let out the pain and let the words of truth settle over me, and let my Father hold me. Worn by Tenth Avenue North played and I cried.
"Let me know redemption wins, let me know the struggle ends, that you can mend a heart that's frail and torn. I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that's dead inside can be reborn... 'Cause I'm worn."
The end the song to me today really was a prayer; "Heaven come and flood my eyes." And God, who is merciful, turned my tear-streaked face to Him. The next song was Lamb of God, a statement of who God is and my freedom to come before Him.
"So I'll come broken through
The blood of Your son
And I'll kneel before You
You are holy
You are worthy
You are holy
You're the Lamb of God"
I pulled into the office parking lot, dried my tears, and went in to start my day. Though my heart is sad I'm comforted that God knows and cares. My sadness may be insignificant to other people who are dealing with far worse things, but it's not insignificant to God. He is holy, He is worthy. He is the Lamb of God.
This isn't the first Christmas I've spent without him. In fact, other than his first two Christmases, this has been our life. Once his dad and I separated we had to share the day. Because of Isaiah's disability when the day falls near his dad's weekend and too many transitions would be more harmful than good He stays at his dad's. That's been the past two years.
There are far worse things that could be happening in my life. I know that so many people are suffering with a first Christmas where a lost child will not be seen again this side of heaven. I know that the odds are that on Wednesday morning he'll come home and we'll have our Christmas a day late. We'll have fun and laugh and today's pain will be forgotten.
What I also know is that it's okay to feel how I feel. A wise counselor once told me that just because someone else has a broken leg doesn't mean that my broken arm doesn't hurt. I don't use this pain as an entitlement for selfishness, but I surely do acknowledge that it's here and cry out to God for comfort, for myself and for my sweet son who would much rather mom and dad had stayed married and going between two very different places wasn't part of his life.
And God is merciful. When I hurt this much and the tears flow unabated I've learned to worship. For me, I can let out the pain and let the words of truth settle over me, and let my Father hold me. Worn by Tenth Avenue North played and I cried.
"Let me know redemption wins, let me know the struggle ends, that you can mend a heart that's frail and torn. I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that's dead inside can be reborn... 'Cause I'm worn."
The end the song to me today really was a prayer; "Heaven come and flood my eyes." And God, who is merciful, turned my tear-streaked face to Him. The next song was Lamb of God, a statement of who God is and my freedom to come before Him.
"So I'll come broken through
The blood of Your son
And I'll kneel before You
You are holy
You are worthy
You are holy
You're the Lamb of God"
I pulled into the office parking lot, dried my tears, and went in to start my day. Though my heart is sad I'm comforted that God knows and cares. My sadness may be insignificant to other people who are dealing with far worse things, but it's not insignificant to God. He is holy, He is worthy. He is the Lamb of God.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Learning to Live In the Tension
I've had such a dramatic shift in the past two years that seems to have suddenly solidified in this strange way about two months ago. One season so completely ended and another so completely began that the line of demarcation is absolutely stark in my mind. I've been wondering what to call this new season into which God has ushered me - and all He's said is that it's called "transition."
More than at any other time in my life I know I'm going somewhere. I just have a limited idea with regard to where. I'm continuing to walk where He has me, but it's a struggle to both focus on being present and remembering to rest. I'm naturally a future thinker and a planner so being in the moment can be exponentially hard when I know God is leading me somewhere. It's probably why He only reveals bits and pieces at a time to me. If He did it any other way I'd run headlong toward wherever He said I was going and then completely miss the beauty of the process along the way.
Which also means I'd miss rest. Rest, I've noticed, is the first thing to go. Well, actually, I only notice after it's gone and I suddenly start feeling stressed, exhausted, and (if I'm being honest) kinda crazy. Most people exposed to me only casually wouldn't notice, but those who are close... Well, I do wonder if anyone's been planning an intervention the past couple weeks. Thankfully, God decided tonight was a good night for one, and here I am blogging as He presses things into my heart.
The Catalyst Atlanta conference was an interesting experience for a bunch of reasons. One of the most notable is that it happened at a time when I had margin in my life. In a place where I had space to think I was bombarded with a call to creativity. I haven't had that area of my brain pressed on in a long, long time. The combination of margin and stimulation sent my poor little brain into overdrive.
God, in His mercy, kept pressing into my heart that I needed to be careful not to take too much on. You see, when I get really inspired I feel like I can conquer the world (or at least make a lasting impression on it) - and that invariably ends up with me in a place God hasn't asked me to be, doing more than God has asked me to do, and I fall into the addictive (and deadly) cycle of "doing." Doing when not asked to by God always equals burnout for me. So God kept pressing on me to watch it, that I was starting to get ahead of where He wanted me to be.
And I sorta suck at listening. Until tonight when God pretty much slapped me upside the head and was like, "SLOW DOWN." Tonight I picked up my notes from Catalyst and looked at what I had written down on the front cover of the booklet. At the end of the conference the emcee asked us to write down three things. One was a statement and the other two were essentially questions.
Oh, yes, that would be God who intends to explain. I get to learn to live in the tension. Yes, He's taking me somewhere very purposeful. Yes, I'm supposed to use the creativity He's given me and allow Him to refine it. And yes, I have to wait. I have to sit in the tension of the longing to do whatever and to go wherever He has for me. And that's a hard tension for me to allow. Everything in me is screaming GO and the Holy Spirit is whispering WAIT.
What a beautiful dilemma. It's beautiful because I am going to learn to live in a tension I've never lived in before - and still put into practice all that God has painstakingly been teaching me for two years. I get to be present and I get to rest in Him and in His plan for this process. I get to sit in "transition" as He reveals to me bit by bit whatever that means. So I'll allow the tension to remain and trust the goodness of my Father as He walks me down a new path that, right now, involves standing still.
More than at any other time in my life I know I'm going somewhere. I just have a limited idea with regard to where. I'm continuing to walk where He has me, but it's a struggle to both focus on being present and remembering to rest. I'm naturally a future thinker and a planner so being in the moment can be exponentially hard when I know God is leading me somewhere. It's probably why He only reveals bits and pieces at a time to me. If He did it any other way I'd run headlong toward wherever He said I was going and then completely miss the beauty of the process along the way.
Which also means I'd miss rest. Rest, I've noticed, is the first thing to go. Well, actually, I only notice after it's gone and I suddenly start feeling stressed, exhausted, and (if I'm being honest) kinda crazy. Most people exposed to me only casually wouldn't notice, but those who are close... Well, I do wonder if anyone's been planning an intervention the past couple weeks. Thankfully, God decided tonight was a good night for one, and here I am blogging as He presses things into my heart.
The Catalyst Atlanta conference was an interesting experience for a bunch of reasons. One of the most notable is that it happened at a time when I had margin in my life. In a place where I had space to think I was bombarded with a call to creativity. I haven't had that area of my brain pressed on in a long, long time. The combination of margin and stimulation sent my poor little brain into overdrive.
God, in His mercy, kept pressing into my heart that I needed to be careful not to take too much on. You see, when I get really inspired I feel like I can conquer the world (or at least make a lasting impression on it) - and that invariably ends up with me in a place God hasn't asked me to be, doing more than God has asked me to do, and I fall into the addictive (and deadly) cycle of "doing." Doing when not asked to by God always equals burnout for me. So God kept pressing on me to watch it, that I was starting to get ahead of where He wanted me to be.
And I sorta suck at listening. Until tonight when God pretty much slapped me upside the head and was like, "SLOW DOWN." Tonight I picked up my notes from Catalyst and looked at what I had written down on the front cover of the booklet. At the end of the conference the emcee asked us to write down three things. One was a statement and the other two were essentially questions.
- "God has given me a creative gift and He wants me to use it more and allow Him to refine it."
- "Allow the Spirit to fill in the blank with the one thing He is telling me to do: ________"
- What one thing do I need to respond to that I learned during the conference: __________"
Oh, yes, that would be God who intends to explain. I get to learn to live in the tension. Yes, He's taking me somewhere very purposeful. Yes, I'm supposed to use the creativity He's given me and allow Him to refine it. And yes, I have to wait. I have to sit in the tension of the longing to do whatever and to go wherever He has for me. And that's a hard tension for me to allow. Everything in me is screaming GO and the Holy Spirit is whispering WAIT.
What a beautiful dilemma. It's beautiful because I am going to learn to live in a tension I've never lived in before - and still put into practice all that God has painstakingly been teaching me for two years. I get to be present and I get to rest in Him and in His plan for this process. I get to sit in "transition" as He reveals to me bit by bit whatever that means. So I'll allow the tension to remain and trust the goodness of my Father as He walks me down a new path that, right now, involves standing still.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Musings on Prayer
I'm a pray-er. I wouldn't say my prayers have always been pretty or selfless by any means, but I've always talked to God a lot. I've never really been one to worry about whether it was King James English and I've always just talked to Jesus like I talk to anyone. There are prayers filled with passion and longing and others that are more like, "Hey, I don't even want to talk to You today. I feel nothing. I can't fix that, so You wanna do something about that for me?" I know it sounds irreverent, but it is honest. And it's in my heart so I figure why hide it from God? Throw it on the table, and let Him address it. If I'm hiding it I'm only lying to myself.
I hate (and yes, I intended to use that strong a term) formulas for prayer. There are tools people can use and they can be helpful, but I'm always leery of books that do the step-by-step "if you pray this way God will eventually answer you" books. First of all, who in the world am I that I would presume to be able to make God do anything. Seriously? Like He said to Job - where exactly were you when I formed the earth and all the stuff in it? Oh yeah, you weren't even a thought yet."
Second, God is not a "genie in a Bible" (yeah, that was a Christina Aguilera play on words, I'm a heathen). I don't ask a certain way, with a certain heart to get God to do my bidding - even if that bidding is noble (like healing for a loved one). If I'm a vapor here (and the Bible says I am) then how on earth can I possible have a full eternal perspective? I can't.
Now all that being said - do I ask boldly and ask big things? Do I ask God for the impossible? If God isn't a genie in a Bible and He's not an "If I do this, then God will do that" God, then what's the point?
Simply put, the point is so much more than we could dream. God delights in us as believers and He desires to give us good things. Go take a look at Jeremiah 29:11-13 for proof on that. If you look at the entire context of that chapter, the Israelites were just dragged into captivity for idolatry and general rampant sinning. And God tells them - I have plans for you to give you a future and a hope when you seek me with all your heart. WHAT?! He still pursues relationship with His people.
As I consider all this, I think that - like so many other things - a good theology of prayer is a theology of trust. Trusting in who God is, what He says about Himself, what He says about me, and what He says about others. When I see Him and me rightly - in the context of the Word - then my prayers are honest, raw, real, conversational, bold, and in His will.
What would happen if all the Christians were bold and completely raw and honest? Going boldly before the throne of grace, asking big and small, or asking nothing at all? What would our lives be like, what would our relationship with God be like?
What are your thoughts (assuming you made it through what is a very long post)?
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Seasons Change
Here I am on the cusp of a new season, about to step out into a new endeavor while also learning a new endeavor through graduate school. There are also changes in other aspects of my life happening right now. Nothing like doing it all at once, eh?
As I stand here on that precipice of change, I've noticed that I'm grieving a bit and that initially surprised me. The changes are good changes - they show how God has matured and refined me in the past two years (and will continue through my lifetime), they show my willingness to trust God even when I can't see the exact path (again, due to His refining and maturing), and they show that God still has plans and a path for me. Nothing bad there at all!
Yet they are all change. We people don't like change. We like things to stay comfortable and we don't like to be stretched. It was enlightening to me to learn in my crisis counseling class that there are both good and bad crises. Bad crises are the ones we think of first - like natural disasters or tragic shootings. Good crises also happen - the birth of a child or a change in jobs, just to name a couple. It's a moving on and a momentary, transient destabilization of what was previously known - a crisis.
When seasons change it is a passing away of the old and a welcoming of the new. It is still loss, despite being mixed with gain. Losses should be grieved and we have to let ourselves go through the grief process. It is completely okay to feel mixed emotions. It's okay to feel in general. It's not the same type of grief as the loss of a loved one, but it it is still grief. I will use myself as an example.
I'm very excited for the change that is coming for me. I like a good challenge and I know that I'll be getting one. I love people, and this opportunity will allow me to pour into the lives of others and help them be the best at their role they can be. But I'm also losing people I love dearly. No, those relationships will not end but they will change. People I see every day and talk to multiple times a day and have supported in various ways for years will be seen less frequently. Conversations will have to be different because we can't share all of the same information and experiences any more. These are people I really like. To not be as close to them is a loss. It causes me to feel sad. It causes me to have a bittersweetness about moving on. It's also a loss of comfort. Even when the situation is stressful as all get out, it's comfortable because it's known. Moving away from the known to the unknown makes me anxious.
I'm learning that we need to let ourselves grieve when it's appropriate. A life change, even a good life change, means the loss of the way it was, the way it used to be. We will adapt to our new season, and it's yet another opportunity to throw ourselves at the mercy of our God and let Him support us through it.
In all that I'm more convinced than ever that being authentic means being honest about everything. Yes, of course I'll be just fine. I'll move through this temporary destabilization and settle in. I won't dwell on the past and I'll keep all my fond memories.
But I will be present in this moment. I will allow myself to feel the sadness of change and loss and the excitement of new things. I'll cherish all the moments right now and not miss out on the beauty of God that is in them.
Anyone got anything to say - input, feedback, thoughts, cute pictures? Then comment!
As I stand here on that precipice of change, I've noticed that I'm grieving a bit and that initially surprised me. The changes are good changes - they show how God has matured and refined me in the past two years (and will continue through my lifetime), they show my willingness to trust God even when I can't see the exact path (again, due to His refining and maturing), and they show that God still has plans and a path for me. Nothing bad there at all!
Yet they are all change. We people don't like change. We like things to stay comfortable and we don't like to be stretched. It was enlightening to me to learn in my crisis counseling class that there are both good and bad crises. Bad crises are the ones we think of first - like natural disasters or tragic shootings. Good crises also happen - the birth of a child or a change in jobs, just to name a couple. It's a moving on and a momentary, transient destabilization of what was previously known - a crisis.
When seasons change it is a passing away of the old and a welcoming of the new. It is still loss, despite being mixed with gain. Losses should be grieved and we have to let ourselves go through the grief process. It is completely okay to feel mixed emotions. It's okay to feel in general. It's not the same type of grief as the loss of a loved one, but it it is still grief. I will use myself as an example.
I'm very excited for the change that is coming for me. I like a good challenge and I know that I'll be getting one. I love people, and this opportunity will allow me to pour into the lives of others and help them be the best at their role they can be. But I'm also losing people I love dearly. No, those relationships will not end but they will change. People I see every day and talk to multiple times a day and have supported in various ways for years will be seen less frequently. Conversations will have to be different because we can't share all of the same information and experiences any more. These are people I really like. To not be as close to them is a loss. It causes me to feel sad. It causes me to have a bittersweetness about moving on. It's also a loss of comfort. Even when the situation is stressful as all get out, it's comfortable because it's known. Moving away from the known to the unknown makes me anxious.
I'm learning that we need to let ourselves grieve when it's appropriate. A life change, even a good life change, means the loss of the way it was, the way it used to be. We will adapt to our new season, and it's yet another opportunity to throw ourselves at the mercy of our God and let Him support us through it.
In all that I'm more convinced than ever that being authentic means being honest about everything. Yes, of course I'll be just fine. I'll move through this temporary destabilization and settle in. I won't dwell on the past and I'll keep all my fond memories.
But I will be present in this moment. I will allow myself to feel the sadness of change and loss and the excitement of new things. I'll cherish all the moments right now and not miss out on the beauty of God that is in them.
Anyone got anything to say - input, feedback, thoughts, cute pictures? Then comment!
Friday, July 20, 2012
The Feeling of Rest
On this mission to learn rest that Jesus has set me off to explore, I've been waiting for the feeling of rest. As He has taught me and led me on this journey, I had this innate sense that I would not only practice rest, but also feel it. I knew the feeling I would experience - it was like the understanding was just built into me. When it happened, I'd know it.
Well, it's happened. Real soul rest. I've been practicing the things God has shown me, using the tools He's given me. Life has gotten no easier; it's every bit as challenging as its ever been. I'm still a mom, still an employee in a demanding field, still a grad school student, still a friend who grieves when her friends grieve, still a woman who loves deeply and experiences things with intensity. No, life is the same from a circumstantial perspective. Where it's markedly different is margin.
There is still a long way for me to go with Jesus on this journey, but even just the little bit of margin I've been able to clear, and then protect (you'd be surprised at how easy it is press things out into the margin) has made an enormous difference in my ability to rest. Having an appropriate theology of rest, learning to trust my Father with more of me, has thwarted some of my striving and trying and planning and figuring and fixing. And in the quiet, in the margin, I am held by my Father. I can lean against His chest and just be. No expectations. Nothing to do or fix. Who I am is enough because I lean against the Rock of Ages and He is more than capable of supporting me and filling the broken spots.
One of my favorite areas of margin is my gym time. For the first time in my whole life I'm going to the gym not to achieve something, but because I find it relaxing to exercise. I go with no expectations to just move my body and to enjoy that movement. Not to lose weight, not to please others, not to achieve some goal. Just one hour to myself nearly every day where my mind can be empty and I can mentally check out and let Jesus run the world without - gasp - my help. In that hour I'm not trying to do anything other than enjoy good music (on my iPod, not the gym set list) and just be. When I leave, I'm rested and ready to take on the rest of the day.
And, shock of all shocks, God also gives me peace and soul rest. I leave at peace in my soul, which He promises in His word multiple times. Believing God is who He says He is, taking Him at that, and using the tools He has given me has brought me an enormous level of rest. I don't feel nearly as exhausted as I did. I still have to be very careful not to fill all available time with activities. I still have to say no to good things. I have to trust that when I have to say no and can't help with something, serve in an area, go out with a friend, that God has that covered and is not only enough for me - He's also enough for them and that situation. And in that I can rest and learn to trust more deeply. And rejoice in my loving Father who knows the rhythm my life should have.
Well, it's happened. Real soul rest. I've been practicing the things God has shown me, using the tools He's given me. Life has gotten no easier; it's every bit as challenging as its ever been. I'm still a mom, still an employee in a demanding field, still a grad school student, still a friend who grieves when her friends grieve, still a woman who loves deeply and experiences things with intensity. No, life is the same from a circumstantial perspective. Where it's markedly different is margin.
There is still a long way for me to go with Jesus on this journey, but even just the little bit of margin I've been able to clear, and then protect (you'd be surprised at how easy it is press things out into the margin) has made an enormous difference in my ability to rest. Having an appropriate theology of rest, learning to trust my Father with more of me, has thwarted some of my striving and trying and planning and figuring and fixing. And in the quiet, in the margin, I am held by my Father. I can lean against His chest and just be. No expectations. Nothing to do or fix. Who I am is enough because I lean against the Rock of Ages and He is more than capable of supporting me and filling the broken spots.
One of my favorite areas of margin is my gym time. For the first time in my whole life I'm going to the gym not to achieve something, but because I find it relaxing to exercise. I go with no expectations to just move my body and to enjoy that movement. Not to lose weight, not to please others, not to achieve some goal. Just one hour to myself nearly every day where my mind can be empty and I can mentally check out and let Jesus run the world without - gasp - my help. In that hour I'm not trying to do anything other than enjoy good music (on my iPod, not the gym set list) and just be. When I leave, I'm rested and ready to take on the rest of the day.
And, shock of all shocks, God also gives me peace and soul rest. I leave at peace in my soul, which He promises in His word multiple times. Believing God is who He says He is, taking Him at that, and using the tools He has given me has brought me an enormous level of rest. I don't feel nearly as exhausted as I did. I still have to be very careful not to fill all available time with activities. I still have to say no to good things. I have to trust that when I have to say no and can't help with something, serve in an area, go out with a friend, that God has that covered and is not only enough for me - He's also enough for them and that situation. And in that I can rest and learn to trust more deeply. And rejoice in my loving Father who knows the rhythm my life should have.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Is It Possible to Be Prone to Both Legalism and Licentiousness?
In a really simple, one-word answer - YES. Now there are probably some who are like, "Duh. Of course." Until this morning I was not one of those people. I thought you had a bent toward one or the other. Silly me and not knowing my black little wicked heart! (Yet another reason why God has to reveal our sin to us - I'm convinced I'd never see it otherwise!)
So how did I come to this conclusion? I was driving into work today and listening to a teaching by Matt Chandler. It was the last one in the Galatians series - and Galatians was the first book that I read after God opened my eyes to His radical grace. It has a special place in my heart, so I've really enjoyed studying it along with The Village Church.
At any rate, I'm driving in and listening and one of the points made during the sermon was that believing that God is trying to take from you good things through obedience and then acting from that place is licentiousness. I sucked in my breath as the realization of that permeated my spirit. Legalism, then, is the belief that you have to do stuff (like read your Bible every morning at 4AM, serve in every church ministry) in order for God to like and accept you. Both are, at the core, unbelief and pride (not trusting what God says, and believing we can do it better or do it at all).
I always saw myself as having a bent toward legalism - and I DO. I am a rule girl. I get paid to come up with ways to follow rules, to see what rules that exist and aren't being followed, and to give advice to people with regard to adhering to those rules. And I'm really good at it because of my innate ability to be a legalist. Now in my personal and spiritual life, God has been chipping away at that for years. I am learning to walk in His grace, and not use performance in any category as an indicator of my worth and value.
However, had you asked me even YESTERDAY if I struggled with licentiousness I would have told you no. And today my answer is different. I do struggle with licentiousness - and sometimes I've called what is blatant sin something else. I've functioned in such a way as to protect what I think God may take from me, not at all trusting that He is for both His glory AND my good. I've often walked in such a way that I've hidden from Him that which should rightfully be His in the great fear that He will take from me or that I know better (or at times both). And until this morning, right around an hour ago, I was totally blind to the fact that was licentiousness.
In Romans, Paul says that we should not sin so that the evidence of grace is more obvious. Those who truly walk in grace obey God out of love for Him. I've been ignoring some sin and not at all walking in repentance for it. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely should not focus on our sin - otherwise we are just as enslaved to it and we are constantly trying to fix a problem for which we have no cure. We have to focus on Jesus who it the cure. We have to continually preach the Gospel to ourselves lest we forget it (and I am so guilty of doing that). Nor is this about condemnation and me beating myself up for not seeing this connection before today.
What this is about it when God shows me an area that He needs to address, I need to acknowledge it. I need to ask Him to give me a heart of repentance and to do the work He needs to do. Like David said in the Psalms - search my heart and let me know if there is any wicked way in me! No, this morning I feel far from bad or stupid for not really understanding what licentiousness is. I feel thankful that God has shown me yet another area in which I need to trust Him and walk in belief that He is good and loves me.
Now, I haven't processed this all the way out - I mean heck God showed me an hour ago! I'm sure that as He does this work in me and presses it into my marrow I'll understand it more. So please forgive this post if anything isn't eloquent or exactly on point. I'm a work in progress here for sure! I just thought it would be so neat to share it in the moment of revelation - sometimes we only get testimony after it's complete and I think it would be neat if sometimes we shared the progression. After all, I am a big believer in progressive sanctification and God is in the process as much as He is the end result!
So how did I come to this conclusion? I was driving into work today and listening to a teaching by Matt Chandler. It was the last one in the Galatians series - and Galatians was the first book that I read after God opened my eyes to His radical grace. It has a special place in my heart, so I've really enjoyed studying it along with The Village Church.
At any rate, I'm driving in and listening and one of the points made during the sermon was that believing that God is trying to take from you good things through obedience and then acting from that place is licentiousness. I sucked in my breath as the realization of that permeated my spirit. Legalism, then, is the belief that you have to do stuff (like read your Bible every morning at 4AM, serve in every church ministry) in order for God to like and accept you. Both are, at the core, unbelief and pride (not trusting what God says, and believing we can do it better or do it at all).
I always saw myself as having a bent toward legalism - and I DO. I am a rule girl. I get paid to come up with ways to follow rules, to see what rules that exist and aren't being followed, and to give advice to people with regard to adhering to those rules. And I'm really good at it because of my innate ability to be a legalist. Now in my personal and spiritual life, God has been chipping away at that for years. I am learning to walk in His grace, and not use performance in any category as an indicator of my worth and value.
However, had you asked me even YESTERDAY if I struggled with licentiousness I would have told you no. And today my answer is different. I do struggle with licentiousness - and sometimes I've called what is blatant sin something else. I've functioned in such a way as to protect what I think God may take from me, not at all trusting that He is for both His glory AND my good. I've often walked in such a way that I've hidden from Him that which should rightfully be His in the great fear that He will take from me or that I know better (or at times both). And until this morning, right around an hour ago, I was totally blind to the fact that was licentiousness.
In Romans, Paul says that we should not sin so that the evidence of grace is more obvious. Those who truly walk in grace obey God out of love for Him. I've been ignoring some sin and not at all walking in repentance for it. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely should not focus on our sin - otherwise we are just as enslaved to it and we are constantly trying to fix a problem for which we have no cure. We have to focus on Jesus who it the cure. We have to continually preach the Gospel to ourselves lest we forget it (and I am so guilty of doing that). Nor is this about condemnation and me beating myself up for not seeing this connection before today.
What this is about it when God shows me an area that He needs to address, I need to acknowledge it. I need to ask Him to give me a heart of repentance and to do the work He needs to do. Like David said in the Psalms - search my heart and let me know if there is any wicked way in me! No, this morning I feel far from bad or stupid for not really understanding what licentiousness is. I feel thankful that God has shown me yet another area in which I need to trust Him and walk in belief that He is good and loves me.
Now, I haven't processed this all the way out - I mean heck God showed me an hour ago! I'm sure that as He does this work in me and presses it into my marrow I'll understand it more. So please forgive this post if anything isn't eloquent or exactly on point. I'm a work in progress here for sure! I just thought it would be so neat to share it in the moment of revelation - sometimes we only get testimony after it's complete and I think it would be neat if sometimes we shared the progression. After all, I am a big believer in progressive sanctification and God is in the process as much as He is the end result!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Why A Theology of Rest Is Really A Theology of Trust
God's been teaching me a great deal lately about rest, much of it while I've been kicking and screaming and doing very little resting. I've tried everything to "get this" lesson, including trying harder. Trying harder is tantamount to insanity since rest DOES NOT mean trying harder for me (the all caps there are for me because I literally have to yell this at myself a lot). In fact, it means letting go of things, some of them important and good things that are just too many things, and learning to place intentional pauses and stops in my life.
And today I realized that it also means learning to trust God in a different way than I have. I'm being wooed to a deeper level of trust in Him. God has steadily been chipping away at my control issues for several years, and over the past month in particular God has shown me how much I rely on my ability to do - and I will do until I literally can't stand up anymore and then try to do some more. That ability spans everything from my job to my parenting to church. Yes, I trust Jesus for my salvation, I trust Him more than I used to for safety and protection, I trust Him for others. But I'm learning that I don't yet trust Him enough to rest in Him.
For me, rest is synonymous with a deeper level of trust. I think it shows up in some of the following ways for me:
As much as this has been a hard lesson for me so far (and many days progressing far more slowly than I'd like), I don't necessarily want God to magically deliver me from it. I want to rest in the process instead of fighting the process or trying to complete the process in my own power. I want to rest in Jesus, trusting that the process of change for me here is right and good, that I don't have to try so dang hard to "get it right" or accomplish something in some set period of time. So, as I walk I take a deep breath, I put truth in front of my face as often as I can (the Bible, my family who loves me enough to speak into my life and love me when I am a hot mess), and just let God do what He's going to do. He is faithful to finish the work He started (Philippians 1:6) and I can rest in that, too.
And today I realized that it also means learning to trust God in a different way than I have. I'm being wooed to a deeper level of trust in Him. God has steadily been chipping away at my control issues for several years, and over the past month in particular God has shown me how much I rely on my ability to do - and I will do until I literally can't stand up anymore and then try to do some more. That ability spans everything from my job to my parenting to church. Yes, I trust Jesus for my salvation, I trust Him more than I used to for safety and protection, I trust Him for others. But I'm learning that I don't yet trust Him enough to rest in Him.
For me, rest is synonymous with a deeper level of trust. I think it shows up in some of the following ways for me:
- If I trust that I am enough because of who God made me, then I don't have to try to serve people to get them to see my worth and value. I already have worth and value and I can rest in that.
- If I trust that God can and will care for me because He wants to then I don't have to try so hard to take care of myself. I can tell people when I'm hurting and I can ask for help when I need it and know that I'm still enough (see #1 up there) - having normal human limitations does not mean that I'm weak or failing. It means I'm normal and God never meant me to shoulder this whole life alone.
- Following on to #2, if I trust that God does really care for my needs (see Matthew 6:25-34) and I don't have to be anxious over anything (see Philippians 4:6, Ephesians 3:18), then I don't have to work so hard to (a) provide for everything I could possibly need or (b) hoard stuff "just in case" God lets me down. This brings true peace (see Philippians 4:7, Isaiah 26:3) - and I'm learning that peace and rest go together like chocolate and peanut butter.
As much as this has been a hard lesson for me so far (and many days progressing far more slowly than I'd like), I don't necessarily want God to magically deliver me from it. I want to rest in the process instead of fighting the process or trying to complete the process in my own power. I want to rest in Jesus, trusting that the process of change for me here is right and good, that I don't have to try so dang hard to "get it right" or accomplish something in some set period of time. So, as I walk I take a deep breath, I put truth in front of my face as often as I can (the Bible, my family who loves me enough to speak into my life and love me when I am a hot mess), and just let God do what He's going to do. He is faithful to finish the work He started (Philippians 1:6) and I can rest in that, too.
Friday, February 17, 2012
The Intentionality of Margins
Did you know that pages have margins on purpose? That someone, some document originator and formatter, determined that they were required? As a matter of fact, our fabulous word processing programs even have quick link buttons where you can set all manner of margin size, from extra wide to extra narrow. Have you ever noticed that there is no button to eliminate the margins all together? No, in order to do that you have to manually eradicate them. The author of the document has to go in to the Page Layout section and manually move the margins to zero.
Why do you suppose there is no automatic "get-rid-of-the-margins" button? How many of you said, "Because there is supposed to be SOME kind of margin"? Come on, I want to see hands up... Of course you said that because it's truth. Who in their right mind would eliminate the margins in a document? When was the last time you bought a book (the ones made with paper, not the ones on your Kindle) that had no margins. I'm going to go with never.
As a friend of mine so eloquently put it to me one day - that intentional blank space helps the words in the middle of the page make sense.
And that is truth. I thought - because I'm so entirely visual - I ought to see what it looked like to have no margins in a document. I manually overrode the settings in Word and went to typing. Thankfully I type fast, so it took little time to fill all the blank space. I moved to Print Preview view and discovered - the document was barely readable. I could read it if I really tried, but it made me tired. Just to see if it would change it if I added margins, I went back into Page Layout and put in the standard 1-inch margins. Instant change. Vastly easier to read. That blank space is incredibly intentional. And - SHOCKER - if you double space the content it's even easier to read. I mean like - Earth. Shattering. Difference. Yeah, it makes the document longer, but so what? You can read it.
Apparently, our life is supposed to have margins, too. Intentional blank space. And it's supposed to happen regularly. I mean, no book has margins on like every other page. Margins are there on each page. Imagine that. My life is supposed to have margins on each page, in a rhythm so that if you flipped through the pages of my life you'd see those empty places. And those empty places would be right and good and no one would be weirded out.
And now it's confession time. I've lived a life without margins. My pages, especially in the past year, have been completely full of writing. Some of that is just life where the story happens so fast that you don't have time to leave that blank space. Other times, it's because I added all manner of notes to what was a perfectly good page. Some notes were valid and needed, others were completely unecessary. Sure, they sounded good at the time - they may have even sounded godly - but in all reality it was me filling up space that should have been left blank.
I suck at intentional blank space and our society absolutely rewards me for living a life without blank space. In fact, in some circles lacking margins is praised. Particularly in Western culture. I mean, what CEO do you know that was lauded for taking regular weekends? No you hear about those 15-hour days at the office. Sure we who are Christ followers can look down our nose at what we call greed, but what about ministry? How many times have we lauded those who are putting in every available moment at the church, discipling, doing another Bible study? Would you say, "Look at all the good work he/she is doing! My, he/she is so close to Jesus?" Would you praise it? I might.
But that is not how God feels about it. A read-through of His word shows me something else. It shows me that I am absolutely supposed to work hard and be diligent, stewarding my time, talent, and resource well, but it also shows me that there are periods of intentional blank space. These are called "sabbath." This means that you let the blank space be there and STAY BLANK. No notes, no extra.
My community group leader texted me the following quote from the very good book "How People Change" by Tim Lane - "There will be times when my allegiance to Christ means that it is loving and right to say no to other people's requests" (p. 193). A Gospel Coalition blog today noted that "doing flows from being." Even the weather has four seasons (in most places on earth) one of which is a dormant period where nothing appears to be happening, but for the vegetation it needs a rest, a time of intentional nothing. And then there was the tweet I saw today from JR Vassar (pastor in NYC), "God calls us into His work out of rest. In quietness we hear His call."
Intentional blank space. Ordained by God. And I suck at it. So what is a girl to do? My friend who alerted me to the fact that margins are intentional calls it busy-ness detox (and don't think that it doesn't absolutely cause anxiety - I'm changing my rhythm, of course it makes me anxious!). How do I get there you ask?
Well, I started by sharing it with my amazing, gospel-centered communities. I gave them permission to tell me when they see me writing in my margins. I've already let some of these people in enough such that they can see me THINK about breaking out that pen and bring it to my attention. No, it's not easy when my bestie makes mention of the lack of balance (and the fact it's making me nuts), but it is right and good. It's not easy when my community group leader tells me I have to learn to appropriately take (and to not do so is sinful), but it's right and good.
And it's even less easy to know that I cognitively KNOW all this stuff and would absolutely contend for it in your life but have utterly ignored it in my own. Can you say sister needs to repent? Oh yeah. Face time with the Father for sure. Man, I have to say, I sure am thankful for Jesus being so faithful to show me this stuff. It's never easy to see where you're out of balance with God's rhythm, but He - who is so faithful to complete the work He started - is so merciful and gracious as He walks me down this path.
I don't have to figure out how to create margins. God has so totally given me that through amazing friends and people who can speak into my life. The ability to learn to have that intentional blank space will come from Jesus as He continually makes me look more and more like Him. It's unbelievably awkward at first because it's not how I've ever lived, but that's okay. God happens to be okay with awkward. And one day, I'll look back and giggle at my silliness of not having margins and be so thankful that my pages began to look normal. And I'll take a sweet sister by the hand and teach her how beautiful blank space can be...
Why do you suppose there is no automatic "get-rid-of-the-margins" button? How many of you said, "Because there is supposed to be SOME kind of margin"? Come on, I want to see hands up... Of course you said that because it's truth. Who in their right mind would eliminate the margins in a document? When was the last time you bought a book (the ones made with paper, not the ones on your Kindle) that had no margins. I'm going to go with never.
As a friend of mine so eloquently put it to me one day - that intentional blank space helps the words in the middle of the page make sense.
And that is truth. I thought - because I'm so entirely visual - I ought to see what it looked like to have no margins in a document. I manually overrode the settings in Word and went to typing. Thankfully I type fast, so it took little time to fill all the blank space. I moved to Print Preview view and discovered - the document was barely readable. I could read it if I really tried, but it made me tired. Just to see if it would change it if I added margins, I went back into Page Layout and put in the standard 1-inch margins. Instant change. Vastly easier to read. That blank space is incredibly intentional. And - SHOCKER - if you double space the content it's even easier to read. I mean like - Earth. Shattering. Difference. Yeah, it makes the document longer, but so what? You can read it.
Apparently, our life is supposed to have margins, too. Intentional blank space. And it's supposed to happen regularly. I mean, no book has margins on like every other page. Margins are there on each page. Imagine that. My life is supposed to have margins on each page, in a rhythm so that if you flipped through the pages of my life you'd see those empty places. And those empty places would be right and good and no one would be weirded out.
And now it's confession time. I've lived a life without margins. My pages, especially in the past year, have been completely full of writing. Some of that is just life where the story happens so fast that you don't have time to leave that blank space. Other times, it's because I added all manner of notes to what was a perfectly good page. Some notes were valid and needed, others were completely unecessary. Sure, they sounded good at the time - they may have even sounded godly - but in all reality it was me filling up space that should have been left blank.
I suck at intentional blank space and our society absolutely rewards me for living a life without blank space. In fact, in some circles lacking margins is praised. Particularly in Western culture. I mean, what CEO do you know that was lauded for taking regular weekends? No you hear about those 15-hour days at the office. Sure we who are Christ followers can look down our nose at what we call greed, but what about ministry? How many times have we lauded those who are putting in every available moment at the church, discipling, doing another Bible study? Would you say, "Look at all the good work he/she is doing! My, he/she is so close to Jesus?" Would you praise it? I might.
But that is not how God feels about it. A read-through of His word shows me something else. It shows me that I am absolutely supposed to work hard and be diligent, stewarding my time, talent, and resource well, but it also shows me that there are periods of intentional blank space. These are called "sabbath." This means that you let the blank space be there and STAY BLANK. No notes, no extra.
My community group leader texted me the following quote from the very good book "How People Change" by Tim Lane - "There will be times when my allegiance to Christ means that it is loving and right to say no to other people's requests" (p. 193). A Gospel Coalition blog today noted that "doing flows from being." Even the weather has four seasons (in most places on earth) one of which is a dormant period where nothing appears to be happening, but for the vegetation it needs a rest, a time of intentional nothing. And then there was the tweet I saw today from JR Vassar (pastor in NYC), "God calls us into His work out of rest. In quietness we hear His call."
Intentional blank space. Ordained by God. And I suck at it. So what is a girl to do? My friend who alerted me to the fact that margins are intentional calls it busy-ness detox (and don't think that it doesn't absolutely cause anxiety - I'm changing my rhythm, of course it makes me anxious!). How do I get there you ask?
Well, I started by sharing it with my amazing, gospel-centered communities. I gave them permission to tell me when they see me writing in my margins. I've already let some of these people in enough such that they can see me THINK about breaking out that pen and bring it to my attention. No, it's not easy when my bestie makes mention of the lack of balance (and the fact it's making me nuts), but it is right and good. It's not easy when my community group leader tells me I have to learn to appropriately take (and to not do so is sinful), but it's right and good.
And it's even less easy to know that I cognitively KNOW all this stuff and would absolutely contend for it in your life but have utterly ignored it in my own. Can you say sister needs to repent? Oh yeah. Face time with the Father for sure. Man, I have to say, I sure am thankful for Jesus being so faithful to show me this stuff. It's never easy to see where you're out of balance with God's rhythm, but He - who is so faithful to complete the work He started - is so merciful and gracious as He walks me down this path.
I don't have to figure out how to create margins. God has so totally given me that through amazing friends and people who can speak into my life. The ability to learn to have that intentional blank space will come from Jesus as He continually makes me look more and more like Him. It's unbelievably awkward at first because it's not how I've ever lived, but that's okay. God happens to be okay with awkward. And one day, I'll look back and giggle at my silliness of not having margins and be so thankful that my pages began to look normal. And I'll take a sweet sister by the hand and teach her how beautiful blank space can be...
Friday, January 27, 2012
Balance, People! It's All About Balance!
Really I should stay out of the blogosphere and should stop reading so much. I readily admit I'm a geek of epic proportions. I also strongly believe in what a former boss of mine called, "the marketplace of ideas." I don't have the market cornered when it comes to knowledge and wisdom, so I like to hear what others are saying and consider them. This is especially applicable when it comes to theology. I love to hear good discussions on theology, and I like to take points people make and look at them in light of scripture. Not all theological views are truly informed by scripture. Some come from people's ideas, some come from a single text without taking into account the whole counsel of the word of God, some are heavily influenced by the culture in which we live.
We live in a thoroughly post-modern society. Absolutes are eschewed as being narrow-minded (unless you're talking about the absolute of not being absolute which people seem to be okay with - you see the irony there right?). Scripture, however, does actually contain some absolutes. There are imperatives (commands) there. As I recently heard a pastor say, "You never get an imperative (command) before you get the indicative (explanation)." Basically, you can sum that up by saying, "Look at it all in context, look at it all holistically through the counsel of the Word of God." Even then, we are fallible because our sin nature permeates who we are. I can read something and I filter it through my experience, perception, and worldview. Thankfully, Jesus is way bigger than my fallibility and He can actually cut in and make sense of things I would not. I say that to note that I am not always going to get it right, Jesus loves me and will always step in at some point. Occasionally, for reasons I don't always understand, He lets me stay in that out-of-balance and not so right place for a season. Invariably, it always reminds me of how much I do not have this and how much I need Christ in control.
Okay, you have the introduction, now here is my point. Over the past few days I've been reading far too many blogs written by pastors. Many are responding to a little theological discussion call The Elephant Room 2. Some are downright nasty, completely devoid of love, and frankly are painful to read because of the venom being spewed. Some are a bit of a mushy, gushy love fest filled to the brim with syrup, sticky sweet and make you feel like you need a shower afterward. Overly mushy-sticky-sweet is also equally painful to read, in my opinion. Some, thankfully, are very balanced and raise some interesting points.
One of those points is that Mark Driscoll did not challenge TD Jakes on his preaching of the prosperity gospel. While it's handy to know that Jakes does, in fact hold to the God-in-three-persons Trinitarian view, it's not handy that he wasn't challenged on the prosperity thing. Unfortunately, due to illness, I couldn't be at the local simulcast of the event, but I did catch a YouTube video of the session, and read the published notes. I also followed the whole adventure on Twitter. What I saw and read was that while the whole Trinitarian thing was nailed down, other salient questions were completely unasked, specifically as it related to Jakes' preaching of a prosperity gospel and word of faith. I, personally, think that prosperity gospel is aberrant theology. There is a lot of information on suffering in the Bible, and God never says, "If you speak it with enough faith you eliminate suffering." He also never says, "If you speak it with enough faith it will happen." What cannot be eliminated in teaching is that God absolutely allowed suffering in His people and that He never promised prosperity on this earth. As for speaking it with enough faith - I do not have because I do not ask, and I do not have because I ask amiss. Meaning - I can ask with all manner of faith and if it's outside of God's will I'm asking amiss. The whole thing about God giving us the desires of our heart has more to do with Him changing us to be more like Him, thus changing our desires to match those of His heart. That doesn't mean He doesn't give us what we consider good things, He just gives us those good things that fit into His plan in our lives. We can't forget this meta-narrative is about Him - He's the main character, not us.
I've seen prosperity theology really harm people, from encouraging them to give up life savings to causing them to feel defeated when they try and try and still don't see the answer they "had faith" for. This isn't an exhaustive exposition on prosperity teaching - I'm not going from any scholarly look here. I'm purely taking this from what I have seen and yes, I too come to this with my own presuppositions and worldview. I have personally seen people damaged by this teaching and I strongly believe that a right view of God is critical.
Obviously, I wish that this topic had been raised during that portion of The Elephant Room 2. I also can see that there is a time and a place for such a challenge and understand that maybe this was not it. One thing I know about challenging someone is that you need to have a relationship with them - if someone doesn't know they are loved and supported then challenges are very often discarded, even when they contain truth. If this was a stepping stone to build relationship with Jakes such that at some point, in love, other things can be discussed with him then who am I to judge?
However, I really believe leaders also need to be so, so careful when they share a platform with others. Anyone in leadership is held to a high standard because we are leading. People are watching and you are taking them where you're going. God is, thankfully, so much bigger than our shortcomings, but we do still have responsibility to those we lead to be checking our heart and methods. What do our actions and words communicate?
Why do I even care about this? I care because it's really easy to get off balance. I don't think the Pharisees intended to become legalistic, judgemental jerks. I think those zillions of rules came from a heart of genuinely trying to love and serve God. Because our hearts are wicked, it's so easy to take a good thing (wanting to love and serve God) and bring bondage (let's have hundreds of rules so we make sure we're loving and serving God). King David asked God to search his heart and show him the iniquity in it. I think I need to do that for myself, and always be open for correction. I would hope that the current crop of very highly visible pastors (and those we don't see causing conversation in the Twitterverse) do the same and are just super careful. For the rest of us, I would pray that we are gracious, since theirs is also a very public stage on which to struggle.
There is no easy answer here. What I saw and read made me uneasy, both the overly critical blogs and the sappy sweet ones, and leaving an issue unaddressed during the theological pow-wow that I think is pretty important. As a believer, what do I do about that? So far, the only answer I've come up with is to pray for everyone, myself included, let God be God, and see what happens next.
** After I posted this originally, The Gospel Coalition posted the following blog. It's very helpful, in my opionion. http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/02/03/carson-and-keller-on-jakes-and-the-elephant-room/ **
We live in a thoroughly post-modern society. Absolutes are eschewed as being narrow-minded (unless you're talking about the absolute of not being absolute which people seem to be okay with - you see the irony there right?). Scripture, however, does actually contain some absolutes. There are imperatives (commands) there. As I recently heard a pastor say, "You never get an imperative (command) before you get the indicative (explanation)." Basically, you can sum that up by saying, "Look at it all in context, look at it all holistically through the counsel of the Word of God." Even then, we are fallible because our sin nature permeates who we are. I can read something and I filter it through my experience, perception, and worldview. Thankfully, Jesus is way bigger than my fallibility and He can actually cut in and make sense of things I would not. I say that to note that I am not always going to get it right, Jesus loves me and will always step in at some point. Occasionally, for reasons I don't always understand, He lets me stay in that out-of-balance and not so right place for a season. Invariably, it always reminds me of how much I do not have this and how much I need Christ in control.
Okay, you have the introduction, now here is my point. Over the past few days I've been reading far too many blogs written by pastors. Many are responding to a little theological discussion call The Elephant Room 2. Some are downright nasty, completely devoid of love, and frankly are painful to read because of the venom being spewed. Some are a bit of a mushy, gushy love fest filled to the brim with syrup, sticky sweet and make you feel like you need a shower afterward. Overly mushy-sticky-sweet is also equally painful to read, in my opinion. Some, thankfully, are very balanced and raise some interesting points.
One of those points is that Mark Driscoll did not challenge TD Jakes on his preaching of the prosperity gospel. While it's handy to know that Jakes does, in fact hold to the God-in-three-persons Trinitarian view, it's not handy that he wasn't challenged on the prosperity thing. Unfortunately, due to illness, I couldn't be at the local simulcast of the event, but I did catch a YouTube video of the session, and read the published notes. I also followed the whole adventure on Twitter. What I saw and read was that while the whole Trinitarian thing was nailed down, other salient questions were completely unasked, specifically as it related to Jakes' preaching of a prosperity gospel and word of faith. I, personally, think that prosperity gospel is aberrant theology. There is a lot of information on suffering in the Bible, and God never says, "If you speak it with enough faith you eliminate suffering." He also never says, "If you speak it with enough faith it will happen." What cannot be eliminated in teaching is that God absolutely allowed suffering in His people and that He never promised prosperity on this earth. As for speaking it with enough faith - I do not have because I do not ask, and I do not have because I ask amiss. Meaning - I can ask with all manner of faith and if it's outside of God's will I'm asking amiss. The whole thing about God giving us the desires of our heart has more to do with Him changing us to be more like Him, thus changing our desires to match those of His heart. That doesn't mean He doesn't give us what we consider good things, He just gives us those good things that fit into His plan in our lives. We can't forget this meta-narrative is about Him - He's the main character, not us.
I've seen prosperity theology really harm people, from encouraging them to give up life savings to causing them to feel defeated when they try and try and still don't see the answer they "had faith" for. This isn't an exhaustive exposition on prosperity teaching - I'm not going from any scholarly look here. I'm purely taking this from what I have seen and yes, I too come to this with my own presuppositions and worldview. I have personally seen people damaged by this teaching and I strongly believe that a right view of God is critical.
Obviously, I wish that this topic had been raised during that portion of The Elephant Room 2. I also can see that there is a time and a place for such a challenge and understand that maybe this was not it. One thing I know about challenging someone is that you need to have a relationship with them - if someone doesn't know they are loved and supported then challenges are very often discarded, even when they contain truth. If this was a stepping stone to build relationship with Jakes such that at some point, in love, other things can be discussed with him then who am I to judge?
However, I really believe leaders also need to be so, so careful when they share a platform with others. Anyone in leadership is held to a high standard because we are leading. People are watching and you are taking them where you're going. God is, thankfully, so much bigger than our shortcomings, but we do still have responsibility to those we lead to be checking our heart and methods. What do our actions and words communicate?
Why do I even care about this? I care because it's really easy to get off balance. I don't think the Pharisees intended to become legalistic, judgemental jerks. I think those zillions of rules came from a heart of genuinely trying to love and serve God. Because our hearts are wicked, it's so easy to take a good thing (wanting to love and serve God) and bring bondage (let's have hundreds of rules so we make sure we're loving and serving God). King David asked God to search his heart and show him the iniquity in it. I think I need to do that for myself, and always be open for correction. I would hope that the current crop of very highly visible pastors (and those we don't see causing conversation in the Twitterverse) do the same and are just super careful. For the rest of us, I would pray that we are gracious, since theirs is also a very public stage on which to struggle.
There is no easy answer here. What I saw and read made me uneasy, both the overly critical blogs and the sappy sweet ones, and leaving an issue unaddressed during the theological pow-wow that I think is pretty important. As a believer, what do I do about that? So far, the only answer I've come up with is to pray for everyone, myself included, let God be God, and see what happens next.
** After I posted this originally, The Gospel Coalition posted the following blog. It's very helpful, in my opionion. http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/02/03/carson-and-keller-on-jakes-and-the-elephant-room/ **
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