Musings on Prayer

I'm a pray-er. I wouldn't say my prayers have always been pretty or selfless by any means, but I've always talked to God a lot. I've never really been one to worry about whether it was King James English and I've always just talked to Jesus like I talk to anyone. There are prayers filled with passion and longing and others that are more like, "Hey, I don't even want to talk to You today. I feel nothing. I can't fix that, so You wanna do something about that for me?" I know it sounds irreverent, but it is honest. And it's in my heart so I figure why hide it from God? Throw it on the table, and let Him address it. If I'm hiding it I'm only lying to myself.

I hate (and yes, I intended to use that strong a term) formulas for prayer. There are tools people can use and they can be helpful, but I'm always leery of books that do the step-by-step "if you pray this way God will eventually answer you" books. First of all, who in the world am I that I would presume to be able to make God do anything. Seriously? Like He said to Job - where exactly were you when I formed the earth and all the stuff in it? Oh yeah, you weren't even a thought yet."

Second, God is not a "genie in a Bible" (yeah, that was a Christina Aguilera play on words, I'm a heathen). I don't ask a certain way, with a certain heart to get God to do my bidding - even if that bidding is noble (like healing for a loved one). If I'm a vapor here (and the Bible says I am) then how on earth can I possible have a full eternal perspective? I can't.

Now all that being said - do I ask boldly and ask big things? Do I ask God for the impossible? If God isn't a genie in a Bible and He's not an "If I do this, then God will do that" God, then what's the point?

Simply put, the point is so much more than we could dream. God delights in us as believers and He desires to give us good things. Go take a look at Jeremiah 29:11-13 for proof on that. If you look at the entire context of that chapter, the Israelites were just dragged into captivity for idolatry and general rampant sinning. And God tells them - I have plans for you to give you a future and a hope when you seek me with all your heart. WHAT?! He still pursues relationship with His people.

As I consider all this, I think that - like so many other things - a good theology of prayer is a theology of trust. Trusting in who God is, what He says about Himself, what He says about me, and what He says about others. When I see Him and me rightly - in the context of the Word - then my prayers are honest, raw, real, conversational, bold, and in His will.

What would happen if all the Christians were bold and completely raw and honest? Going boldly before the throne of grace, asking big and small, or asking nothing at all? What would our lives be like, what would our relationship with God be like?

What are your thoughts (assuming you made it through what is a very long post)?

Seasons Change

Here I am on the cusp of a new season, about to step out into a new endeavor while also learning a new endeavor through graduate school. There are also changes in other aspects of my life happening right now. Nothing like doing it all at once, eh?

As I stand here on that precipice of change, I've noticed that I'm grieving a bit and that initially surprised me. The changes are good changes - they show how God has matured and refined me in the past two years (and will continue through my lifetime), they show my willingness to trust God even when I can't see the exact path (again, due to His refining and maturing), and they show that God still has plans and a path for me. Nothing bad there at all!

Yet they are all change. We people don't like change. We like things to stay comfortable and we don't like to be stretched. It was enlightening to me to learn in my crisis counseling class that there are both good and bad crises. Bad crises are the ones we think of first - like natural disasters or tragic shootings. Good crises also happen - the birth of a child or a change in jobs, just to name a couple. It's a moving on and a momentary, transient destabilization of what was previously known - a crisis.

When seasons change it is a passing away of the old and a welcoming of the new. It is still loss, despite being mixed with gain. Losses should be grieved and we have to let ourselves go through the grief process. It is completely okay to feel mixed emotions. It's okay to feel in general. It's not the same type of grief as the loss of a loved one, but it it is still grief. I will use myself as an example.

I'm very excited for the change that is coming for me. I like a good challenge and I know that I'll be getting one. I love people, and this opportunity will allow me to pour into the lives of others and help them be the best at their role they can be. But I'm also losing people I love dearly. No, those relationships will not end but they will change. People I see every day and talk to multiple times a day and have supported in various ways for years will be seen less frequently. Conversations will have to be different because we can't share all of the same information and experiences any more. These are people I really like. To not be as close to them is a loss. It causes me to feel sad. It causes me to have a bittersweetness about moving on. It's also a loss of comfort. Even when the situation is stressful as all get out, it's comfortable because it's known. Moving away from the known to the unknown makes me anxious.

I'm learning that we need to let ourselves grieve when it's appropriate. A life change, even a good life change, means the loss of the way it was, the way it used to be. We will adapt to our new season, and it's yet another opportunity to throw ourselves at the mercy of our God and let Him support us through it.

In all that I'm more convinced than ever that being authentic means being honest about everything. Yes, of course I'll be just fine. I'll move through this temporary destabilization and settle in. I won't dwell on the past and I'll keep all my fond memories.

But I will be present in this moment. I will allow myself to feel the sadness of change and loss and the excitement of new things. I'll cherish all the moments right now and not miss out on the beauty of God that is in them.

Anyone got anything to say - input, feedback, thoughts, cute pictures? Then comment!