A Full Heart

I recently took my son to The Melting Pot for our occasional "fancy dinner." I do these dinners with him to teach him appropriate manners, to allow him to experience new things, and to just plain have fun and be together. He chose the restaurant after I explained to him what it was. When we got there he was such a gentleman. He spoke appropriately to the waitress, making eye contact (which is HUGE for a child with Asperger's). He allowed me to order the food since he had no idea what most of it was, aside from the salad - he knows his salad because he loves them.

When they made the cheese fondue for the first course table side, his eyes were as big as saucers. He was amazed by the whole thing. He was equally amazed by the fact he got to skewer things and dip them in the cheese and then eat them. Talk about exciting sensory input! He dutifully skewered, dipped, and ate a little of all the things they brought - bread, apples, and veggies. His amazement continued when they brought the salad, then as they brought the entree. When he cooked his first piece of chicken in the broth he had this amazing look of satisfaction and said, "Mom, I cooked this! And it's good!" My heart overflowed with joy watching his joy. And I think he nearly lost a synapse when they brought out a pot of melted dark chocolate with sweet stuff and fruit to dip! He said over and over what a great restaurant it was and how he wanted to go again for his birthday.

As I sat here this morning reflecting on this experience with him, my heart was full. Seeing his joy like that is absolutely the best thing ever! I love watching him have new experiences and try new things, even things that are a little bit scary at first. And I love it despite the great cost I paid (The Melting Pot is not cheap!).

Then it struck me... This is the same type of full heart that God has when I do the same thing. He delights in my joy. He delights in my taking those risks as He leads me (knowing that any risk I take He is ordaining and will care for me). He just plain delights in me. He enjoys watching my amazement and wonder when I see Him act. He enjoys my sense of awe when I connect with His creation and with Him. His heart is full when He watches me, like my heart is full when I watch my son. And He paid a great price to be able to delight in me, much more than I paid to take my son out to "fancy dinner."

Today this brought me to my knees in worship. To know I'm loved and delighted in even more than I can possibly love and delight in my son (after all, I'm not God) is staggering. To know that God paid the greatest price imaginable so He could have this relationship with me is... there just aren't words. I am thankful that God brought me a son so I could see the world to a degree through God's eyes. So I can have my amazement and wonder rekindled as I watch my son live life. So I can get a sense of how deeply God delights in me.

And here's the thing... He feels that way about all of His kids. I'm not the only one. May you and I live each and every day with that knowledge being as tangible as the physical realm around us. May we know how our Father delights in us and may that color our choices in every possible way.

Learning to Live in Rhythm

You know it's pretty darn interesting when you're giving a presentation with a friend about a topic for which you have great passion. It's more interesting when something your co-presenter says during his section resonates in a way that is a little surprising. I knew what he was going to say. We talked through it... But in the moment I heard it live during our presentation it was like God pushed it way down deep.

The idea of that section was about not overdoing life - running yourself ragged and nearly killing yourself to get a given destination. I know that life all too well - I've lived it and it takes a great deal of paying attention to keep me from slipping back into it. And as I heard my friend talk I realized, "Shoot. I'm overdoing it. I've overcommitted. Again. Dangit." I realized I needed to stop and take stock yet again.

And I had to start saying no... Again. I had to look at what I had before me and choose which things would get my attention and which ones could not. And I had to say no to good things. Really good things. With people I dearly love. Ouch. That is such a hard thing for me. I hate saying no to people I care about. I worry they won't understand. I worry they'll be hurt.

Honestly, sometimes I suffer from FOMO - Fear of Missing Out. I want to be there to share experiences. I want to connect deeply with people. But there are only so many hours in the day. I can't possibly do everything I want to do. So, as hard as it is, I have to keep looking at what's on the table and determining who and what will get attention from me.

Thankfully, as I grow God shows me earlier that I'm overcommitting, before I hit raging crazy and burnout. I'm thankful for that as I learn to live my life in His rhythm.