Why A Theology of Rest Is Really A Theology of Trust

God's been teaching me a great deal lately about rest, much of it while I've been kicking and screaming and doing very little resting. I've tried everything to "get this" lesson, including trying harder. Trying harder is tantamount to insanity since rest DOES NOT mean trying harder for me (the all caps there are for me because I literally have to yell this at myself a lot). In fact, it means letting go of things, some of them important and good things that are just too many things, and learning to place intentional pauses and stops in my life.

And today I realized that it also means learning to trust God in a different way than I have.  I'm being wooed to a deeper level of trust in Him. God has steadily been chipping away at my control issues for several years, and over the past month in particular God has shown me how much I rely on my ability to do - and I will do until I literally can't stand up anymore and then try to do some more. That ability spans everything from my job to my parenting to church.  Yes, I trust Jesus for my salvation, I trust Him more than I used to for safety and protection, I trust Him for others. But I'm learning that I don't yet trust Him enough to rest in Him.

For me, rest is synonymous with a deeper level of trust.  I think it shows up in some of the following ways for me:

1. If I trust that I am enough because of who God made me, then I don't have to try to serve people to get them to see my worth and value. I already have worth and value and I can rest in that.
2. If I trust that God can and will care for me because He wants to then I don't have to try so hard to take care of myself. I can tell people when I'm hurting and I can ask for help when I need it and know that I'm still enough (see #1 up there) - having normal human limitations does not mean that I'm weak or failing. It means I'm normal and God never meant me to shoulder this whole life alone.
3. Following on to #2, if I trust that God does really care for my needs (see Matthew 6:25-34) and I don't have to be anxious over anything (see Philippians 4:6, Ephesians 3:18), then I don't have to work so hard to (a) provide for everything I could possibly need or (b) hoard stuff "just in case" God lets me down. This brings true peace (see Philippians 4:7, Isaiah 26:3) - and I'm learning that peace and rest go together like chocolate and peanut butter.

So as I walk forward in a deeper level of trust I get the whole concept of working out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12) - this is super scary for me because I've had this illusion of control for so long that it's hard to walk forward with an open hand saying, "Okay God, I'm going to stop trying so dang hard, to the point of exhaustion in every possible sense of the word and let you really guide my steps, my time, my career, my relationships; and I'm going to trust that You are who say You are." And God immediately reminds me that "it is God who works in me, both to will and to work" (Philippians 2:13).  This is His thing and I can rest in that.

As much as this has been a hard lesson for me so far (and many days progressing far more slowly than I'd like), I don't necessarily want God to magically deliver me from it. I want to rest in the process instead of fighting the process or trying to complete the process in my own power. I want to rest in Jesus, trusting that the process of change for me here is right and good, that I don't have to try so dang hard to "get it right" or accomplish something in some set period of time. So, as I walk I take a deep breath, I put truth in front of my face as often as I can (the Bible, my family who loves me enough to speak into my life and love me when I am a hot mess), and just let God do what He's going to do. He is faithful to finish the work He started (Philippians 1:6) and I can rest in that, too.