On this mission to learn rest that Jesus has set me off to explore, I've been waiting for the feeling of rest. As He has taught me and led me on this journey, I had this innate sense that I would not only practice rest, but also feel it. I knew the feeling I would experience - it was like the understanding was just built into me. When it happened, I'd know it.
Well, it's happened. Real soul rest. I've been practicing the things God has shown me, using the tools He's given me. Life has gotten no easier; it's every bit as challenging as its ever been. I'm still a mom, still an employee in a demanding field, still a grad school student, still a friend who grieves when her friends grieve, still a woman who loves deeply and experiences things with intensity. No, life is the same from a circumstantial perspective. Where it's markedly different is margin.
There is still a long way for me to go with Jesus on this journey, but even just the little bit of margin I've been able to clear, and then protect (you'd be surprised at how easy it is press things out into the margin) has made an enormous difference in my ability to rest. Having an appropriate theology of rest, learning to trust my Father with more of me, has thwarted some of my striving and trying and planning and figuring and fixing. And in the quiet, in the margin, I am held by my Father. I can lean against His chest and just be. No expectations. Nothing to do or fix. Who I am is enough because I lean against the Rock of Ages and He is more than capable of supporting me and filling the broken spots.
One of my favorite areas of margin is my gym time. For the first time in my whole life I'm going to the gym not to achieve something, but because I find it relaxing to exercise. I go with no expectations to just move my body and to enjoy that movement. Not to lose weight, not to please others, not to achieve some goal. Just one hour to myself nearly every day where my mind can be empty and I can mentally check out and let Jesus run the world without - gasp - my help. In that hour I'm not trying to do anything other than enjoy good music (on my iPod, not the gym set list) and just be. When I leave, I'm rested and ready to take on the rest of the day.
And, shock of all shocks, God also gives me peace and soul rest. I leave at peace in my soul, which He promises in His word multiple times. Believing God is who He says He is, taking Him at that, and using the tools He has given me has brought me an enormous level of rest. I don't feel nearly as exhausted as I did. I still have to be very careful not to fill all available time with activities. I still have to say no to good things. I have to trust that when I have to say no and can't help with something, serve in an area, go out with a friend, that God has that covered and is not only enough for me - He's also enough for them and that situation. And in that I can rest and learn to trust more deeply. And rejoice in my loving Father who knows the rhythm my life should have.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Is It Possible to Be Prone to Both Legalism and Licentiousness?
In a really simple, one-word answer - YES. Now there are probably some who are like, "Duh. Of course." Until this morning I was not one of those people. I thought you had a bent toward one or the other. Silly me and not knowing my black little wicked heart! (Yet another reason why God has to reveal our sin to us - I'm convinced I'd never see it otherwise!)
So how did I come to this conclusion? I was driving into work today and listening to a teaching by Matt Chandler. It was the last one in the Galatians series - and Galatians was the first book that I read after God opened my eyes to His radical grace. It has a special place in my heart, so I've really enjoyed studying it along with The Village Church.
At any rate, I'm driving in and listening and one of the points made during the sermon was that believing that God is trying to take from you good things through obedience and then acting from that place is licentiousness. I sucked in my breath as the realization of that permeated my spirit. Legalism, then, is the belief that you have to do stuff (like read your Bible every morning at 4AM, serve in every church ministry) in order for God to like and accept you. Both are, at the core, unbelief and pride (not trusting what God says, and believing we can do it better or do it at all).
I always saw myself as having a bent toward legalism - and I DO. I am a rule girl. I get paid to come up with ways to follow rules, to see what rules that exist and aren't being followed, and to give advice to people with regard to adhering to those rules. And I'm really good at it because of my innate ability to be a legalist. Now in my personal and spiritual life, God has been chipping away at that for years. I am learning to walk in His grace, and not use performance in any category as an indicator of my worth and value.
However, had you asked me even YESTERDAY if I struggled with licentiousness I would have told you no. And today my answer is different. I do struggle with licentiousness - and sometimes I've called what is blatant sin something else. I've functioned in such a way as to protect what I think God may take from me, not at all trusting that He is for both His glory AND my good. I've often walked in such a way that I've hidden from Him that which should rightfully be His in the great fear that He will take from me or that I know better (or at times both). And until this morning, right around an hour ago, I was totally blind to the fact that was licentiousness.
In Romans, Paul says that we should not sin so that the evidence of grace is more obvious. Those who truly walk in grace obey God out of love for Him. I've been ignoring some sin and not at all walking in repentance for it. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely should not focus on our sin - otherwise we are just as enslaved to it and we are constantly trying to fix a problem for which we have no cure. We have to focus on Jesus who it the cure. We have to continually preach the Gospel to ourselves lest we forget it (and I am so guilty of doing that). Nor is this about condemnation and me beating myself up for not seeing this connection before today.
What this is about it when God shows me an area that He needs to address, I need to acknowledge it. I need to ask Him to give me a heart of repentance and to do the work He needs to do. Like David said in the Psalms - search my heart and let me know if there is any wicked way in me! No, this morning I feel far from bad or stupid for not really understanding what licentiousness is. I feel thankful that God has shown me yet another area in which I need to trust Him and walk in belief that He is good and loves me.
Now, I haven't processed this all the way out - I mean heck God showed me an hour ago! I'm sure that as He does this work in me and presses it into my marrow I'll understand it more. So please forgive this post if anything isn't eloquent or exactly on point. I'm a work in progress here for sure! I just thought it would be so neat to share it in the moment of revelation - sometimes we only get testimony after it's complete and I think it would be neat if sometimes we shared the progression. After all, I am a big believer in progressive sanctification and God is in the process as much as He is the end result!
So how did I come to this conclusion? I was driving into work today and listening to a teaching by Matt Chandler. It was the last one in the Galatians series - and Galatians was the first book that I read after God opened my eyes to His radical grace. It has a special place in my heart, so I've really enjoyed studying it along with The Village Church.
At any rate, I'm driving in and listening and one of the points made during the sermon was that believing that God is trying to take from you good things through obedience and then acting from that place is licentiousness. I sucked in my breath as the realization of that permeated my spirit. Legalism, then, is the belief that you have to do stuff (like read your Bible every morning at 4AM, serve in every church ministry) in order for God to like and accept you. Both are, at the core, unbelief and pride (not trusting what God says, and believing we can do it better or do it at all).
I always saw myself as having a bent toward legalism - and I DO. I am a rule girl. I get paid to come up with ways to follow rules, to see what rules that exist and aren't being followed, and to give advice to people with regard to adhering to those rules. And I'm really good at it because of my innate ability to be a legalist. Now in my personal and spiritual life, God has been chipping away at that for years. I am learning to walk in His grace, and not use performance in any category as an indicator of my worth and value.
However, had you asked me even YESTERDAY if I struggled with licentiousness I would have told you no. And today my answer is different. I do struggle with licentiousness - and sometimes I've called what is blatant sin something else. I've functioned in such a way as to protect what I think God may take from me, not at all trusting that He is for both His glory AND my good. I've often walked in such a way that I've hidden from Him that which should rightfully be His in the great fear that He will take from me or that I know better (or at times both). And until this morning, right around an hour ago, I was totally blind to the fact that was licentiousness.
In Romans, Paul says that we should not sin so that the evidence of grace is more obvious. Those who truly walk in grace obey God out of love for Him. I've been ignoring some sin and not at all walking in repentance for it. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely should not focus on our sin - otherwise we are just as enslaved to it and we are constantly trying to fix a problem for which we have no cure. We have to focus on Jesus who it the cure. We have to continually preach the Gospel to ourselves lest we forget it (and I am so guilty of doing that). Nor is this about condemnation and me beating myself up for not seeing this connection before today.
What this is about it when God shows me an area that He needs to address, I need to acknowledge it. I need to ask Him to give me a heart of repentance and to do the work He needs to do. Like David said in the Psalms - search my heart and let me know if there is any wicked way in me! No, this morning I feel far from bad or stupid for not really understanding what licentiousness is. I feel thankful that God has shown me yet another area in which I need to trust Him and walk in belief that He is good and loves me.
Now, I haven't processed this all the way out - I mean heck God showed me an hour ago! I'm sure that as He does this work in me and presses it into my marrow I'll understand it more. So please forgive this post if anything isn't eloquent or exactly on point. I'm a work in progress here for sure! I just thought it would be so neat to share it in the moment of revelation - sometimes we only get testimony after it's complete and I think it would be neat if sometimes we shared the progression. After all, I am a big believer in progressive sanctification and God is in the process as much as He is the end result!
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