An apology to all the men I know

I'm reading a book on shame. Well, specifically, overcoming shame. It's a good book and much of it resonates with me. The author, Brene Brown - famous for her TED talks - discusses her more than a decade of research on shame. There are a lot of good things in there and I started reading it out of interest and as a source for a project I'm working on with a friend.

I didn't expect God to use a section of a chapter to completely undo me.

But He did.

The section is on how men experience shame. I'd been able to keep an emotional distance from the text, even the parts that resonated with me. But this part? Oh. My. Word. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw blatant sin. Sin in our culture with regard to how we treat men, sin with regard to how we acculturate our boys, and - worst of all - sin in my own heart that has helped perpetuate telling men they are not enough.

I was undone. I was (and still am!) grieved.

In Genesis, as part of the curse, God says that the woman's desire will be for the man. Most teachings I've heard and commentaries I've read note that this means that the woman would want to take over the man's place. In case you're wondering how this might manifest, it's evidenced in the song that says, "Anything you can do, I can do better." I didn't really think I felt that way, but God showed me the ugliness in my heart that says something else.

Look, my overall personality limits my ability to be overtly jerky. I'd never in a million years intentionally say something to hurt anyone, men included. But I can tell you that, despite it's rare appearance, it's been in my heart. It's subtle, and it's hidden - and yesterday God pulled it right out into the light.

There is something to be said for men fulfilling the role that God has given them. And yes, it surely seems like a lot of men have absolutely abandoned their responsibilities. However, men are still human. Men still have souls. Men can still feel the sting of hearing - implicitly or explicitly - that they are not enough. And then, when, they believe that, they act from that place. Just like we women do.

So, to the men I know - I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for the sin in my heart that has colored my thoughts at times. I'm sorry for how you've been hurt from a cultural perspective. I'm sorry how you've been hurt when I've not been sensitive.

DISCLAIMER - I know there is so much more to this topic, and so many facets. Just remember that I believe in balance, both for women and men, and I believe in truth. This post is limited in its scope and doesn't reflect how I feel about every possible scenario. If you have questions about where I stand on something I didn't cover here or want to go deeper, please reach out to me and we'll do that!

NEW NAME! The title of the blog has changed to better reflect what these posts are about, and frankly where God is taking me. I hope you continue to read my posts and dialogue with me about the content.