Why A Theology of Rest Is Really A Theology of Trust

God's been teaching me a great deal lately about rest, much of it while I've been kicking and screaming and doing very little resting. I've tried everything to "get this" lesson, including trying harder. Trying harder is tantamount to insanity since rest DOES NOT mean trying harder for me (the all caps there are for me because I literally have to yell this at myself a lot). In fact, it means letting go of things, some of them important and good things that are just too many things, and learning to place intentional pauses and stops in my life.

And today I realized that it also means learning to trust God in a different way than I have.  I'm being wooed to a deeper level of trust in Him. God has steadily been chipping away at my control issues for several years, and over the past month in particular God has shown me how much I rely on my ability to do - and I will do until I literally can't stand up anymore and then try to do some more. That ability spans everything from my job to my parenting to church.  Yes, I trust Jesus for my salvation, I trust Him more than I used to for safety and protection, I trust Him for others. But I'm learning that I don't yet trust Him enough to rest in Him.

For me, rest is synonymous with a deeper level of trust.  I think it shows up in some of the following ways for me:

1. If I trust that I am enough because of who God made me, then I don't have to try to serve people to get them to see my worth and value. I already have worth and value and I can rest in that.
2. If I trust that God can and will care for me because He wants to then I don't have to try so hard to take care of myself. I can tell people when I'm hurting and I can ask for help when I need it and know that I'm still enough (see #1 up there) - having normal human limitations does not mean that I'm weak or failing. It means I'm normal and God never meant me to shoulder this whole life alone.
3. Following on to #2, if I trust that God does really care for my needs (see Matthew 6:25-34) and I don't have to be anxious over anything (see Philippians 4:6, Ephesians 3:18), then I don't have to work so hard to (a) provide for everything I could possibly need or (b) hoard stuff "just in case" God lets me down. This brings true peace (see Philippians 4:7, Isaiah 26:3) - and I'm learning that peace and rest go together like chocolate and peanut butter.

So as I walk forward in a deeper level of trust I get the whole concept of working out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12) - this is super scary for me because I've had this illusion of control for so long that it's hard to walk forward with an open hand saying, "Okay God, I'm going to stop trying so dang hard, to the point of exhaustion in every possible sense of the word and let you really guide my steps, my time, my career, my relationships; and I'm going to trust that You are who say You are." And God immediately reminds me that "it is God who works in me, both to will and to work" (Philippians 2:13).  This is His thing and I can rest in that.

As much as this has been a hard lesson for me so far (and many days progressing far more slowly than I'd like), I don't necessarily want God to magically deliver me from it. I want to rest in the process instead of fighting the process or trying to complete the process in my own power. I want to rest in Jesus, trusting that the process of change for me here is right and good, that I don't have to try so dang hard to "get it right" or accomplish something in some set period of time. So, as I walk I take a deep breath, I put truth in front of my face as often as I can (the Bible, my family who loves me enough to speak into my life and love me when I am a hot mess), and just let God do what He's going to do. He is faithful to finish the work He started (Philippians 1:6) and I can rest in that, too.

The Intentionality of Margins

Did you know that pages have margins on purpose? That someone, some document originator and formatter, determined that they were required? As a matter of fact, our fabulous word processing programs even have quick link buttons where you can set all manner of margin size, from extra wide to extra narrow. Have you ever noticed that there is no button to eliminate the margins all together? No, in order to do that you have to manually eradicate them. The author of the document has to go in to the Page Layout section and manually move the margins to zero.

Why do you suppose there is no automatic "get-rid-of-the-margins" button?  How many of you said, "Because there is supposed to be SOME kind of margin"? Come on, I want to see hands up... Of course you said that because it's truth.  Who in their right mind would eliminate the margins in a document? When was the last time you bought a book (the ones made with paper, not the ones on your Kindle) that had no margins. I'm going to go with never.

As a friend of mine so eloquently put it to me one day - that intentional blank space helps the words in the middle of the page make sense.

And that is truth. I thought - because I'm so entirely visual - I ought to see what it looked like to have no margins in a document. I manually overrode the settings in Word and went to typing. Thankfully I type fast, so it took little time to fill all the blank space.  I moved to Print Preview view and discovered - the document was barely readable. I could read it if I really tried, but it made me tired. Just to see if it would change it if I added margins, I went back into Page Layout and put in the standard 1-inch margins. Instant change. Vastly easier to read.  That blank space is incredibly intentional.  And - SHOCKER - if you double space the content it's even easier to read. I mean like - Earth. Shattering. Difference. Yeah, it makes the document longer, but so what? You can read it.

Apparently, our life is supposed to have margins, too. Intentional blank space. And it's supposed to happen regularly. I mean, no book has margins on like every other page. Margins are there on each page. Imagine that. My life is supposed to have margins on each page, in a rhythm so that if you flipped through the pages of my life you'd see those empty places. And those empty places would be right and good and no one would be weirded out.

And now it's confession time. I've lived a life without margins. My pages, especially in the past year, have been completely full of writing. Some of that is just life where the story happens so fast that you don't have time to leave that blank space. Other times, it's because I added all manner of notes to what was a perfectly good page. Some notes were valid and needed, others were completely unecessary. Sure, they sounded good at the time - they may have even sounded godly - but in all reality it was me filling up space that should have been left blank.

I suck at intentional blank space and our society absolutely rewards me for living a life without blank space. In fact, in some circles lacking margins is praised. Particularly in Western culture. I mean, what CEO do you know that was lauded for taking regular weekends? No you hear about those 15-hour days at the office.  Sure we who are Christ followers can look down our nose at what we call greed, but what about ministry? How many times have we lauded those who are putting in every available moment at the church, discipling, doing another Bible study?  Would you say, "Look at all the good work he/she is doing! My, he/she is so close to Jesus?"  Would you praise it? I might.

But that is not how God feels about it. A read-through of His word shows me something else. It shows me that I am absolutely supposed to work hard and be diligent, stewarding my time, talent, and resource well, but it also shows me that there are periods of intentional blank space. These are called "sabbath." This means that you let the blank space be there and STAY BLANK.  No notes, no extra.

My community group leader texted me the following quote from the very good book "How People Change" by Tim Lane - "There will be times when my allegiance to Christ means that it is loving and right to say no to other people's requests" (p. 193).  A Gospel Coalition blog today noted that "doing flows from being."  Even the weather has four seasons (in most places on earth) one of which is a dormant period where nothing appears to be happening, but for the vegetation it needs a rest, a time of intentional nothing. And then there was the tweet I saw today from JR Vassar (pastor in NYC), "God calls us into His work out of rest. In quietness we hear His call."

Intentional blank space. Ordained by God. And I suck at it. So what is a girl to do? My friend who alerted me to the fact that margins are intentional calls it busy-ness detox (and don't think that it doesn't absolutely cause anxiety - I'm changing my rhythm, of course it makes me anxious!).  How do I get there you ask?

Well, I started by sharing it with my amazing, gospel-centered communities.  I gave them permission to tell me when they see me writing in my margins. I've already let some of these people in enough such that they can see me THINK about breaking out that pen and bring it to my attention. No, it's not easy when my bestie makes mention of the lack of balance (and the fact it's making me nuts), but it is right and good.  It's not easy when my community group leader tells me I have to learn to appropriately take (and to not do so is sinful), but it's right and good.

And it's even less easy to know that I cognitively KNOW all this stuff and would absolutely contend for it in your life but have utterly ignored it in my own. Can you say sister needs to repent? Oh yeah. Face time with the Father for sure. Man, I have to say, I sure am thankful for Jesus being so faithful to show me this stuff. It's never easy to see where you're out of balance with God's rhythm, but He - who is so faithful to complete the work He started - is so merciful and gracious as He walks me down this path.

I don't have to figure out how to create margins. God has so totally given me that through amazing friends and people who can speak into my life. The ability to learn to have that intentional blank space will come from Jesus as He continually makes me look more and more like Him.  It's unbelievably awkward at first because it's not how I've ever lived, but that's okay. God happens to be okay with awkward.  And one day, I'll look back and giggle at my silliness of not having margins and be so thankful that my pages began to look normal. And I'll take a sweet sister by the hand and teach her how beautiful blank space can be...

Balance, People! It's All About Balance!

Really I should stay out of the blogosphere and should stop reading so much. I readily admit I'm a geek of epic proportions. I also strongly believe in what a former boss of mine called, "the marketplace of ideas." I don't have the market cornered when it comes to knowledge and wisdom, so I like to hear what others are saying and consider them.  This is especially applicable when it comes to theology.  I love to hear good discussions on theology, and I like to take points people make and look at them in light of scripture. Not all theological views are truly informed by scripture. Some come from people's ideas, some come from a single text without taking into account the whole counsel of the word of God, some are heavily influenced by the culture in which we live.

We live in a thoroughly post-modern society.  Absolutes are eschewed as being narrow-minded (unless you're talking about the absolute of not being absolute which people seem to be okay with - you see the irony there right?). Scripture, however, does actually contain some absolutes.  There are imperatives (commands) there.  As I recently heard a pastor say, "You never get an imperative (command) before you get the indicative (explanation)."  Basically, you can sum that up by saying, "Look at it all in context, look at it all holistically through the counsel of the Word of God."  Even then, we are fallible because our sin nature permeates who we are. I can read something and I filter it through my experience, perception, and worldview. Thankfully, Jesus is way bigger than my fallibility and He can actually cut in and make sense of things I would not.  I say that to note that I am not always going to get it right, Jesus loves me and will always step in at some point.  Occasionally, for reasons I don't always understand, He lets me stay in that out-of-balance and not so right place for a season. Invariably, it always reminds me of how much I do not have this and how much I need Christ in control.

Okay, you have the introduction, now here is my point. Over the past few days I've been reading far too many blogs written by pastors. Many are responding to a little theological discussion call The Elephant Room 2.  Some are downright nasty, completely devoid of love, and frankly are painful to read because of the venom being spewed. Some are a bit of a mushy, gushy love fest filled to the brim with syrup, sticky sweet and make you feel like you need a shower afterward.  Overly mushy-sticky-sweet is also equally painful to read, in my opinion. Some, thankfully, are very balanced and raise some interesting points.

One of those points is that Mark Driscoll did not challenge TD Jakes on his preaching of the prosperity gospel.  While it's handy to know that Jakes does, in fact hold to the God-in-three-persons Trinitarian view, it's not handy that he wasn't challenged on the prosperity thing. Unfortunately, due to illness, I couldn't be at the local simulcast of the event, but I did catch a YouTube video of the session, and read the published notes.  I also followed the whole adventure on Twitter.  What I saw and read was that while the whole Trinitarian thing was nailed down, other salient questions were completely unasked, specifically as it related to Jakes' preaching of a prosperity gospel and word of faith.  I, personally, think that prosperity gospel is aberrant theology. There is a lot of information on suffering in the Bible, and God never says, "If you speak it with enough faith you eliminate suffering." He also never says, "If you speak it with enough faith it will happen." What cannot be eliminated in teaching is that God absolutely allowed suffering in His people and that He never promised prosperity on this earth. As for speaking it with enough faith - I do not have because I do not ask, and I do not have because I ask amiss.  Meaning - I can ask with all manner of faith and if it's outside of God's will I'm asking amiss.  The whole thing about God giving us the desires of our heart has more to do with Him changing us to be more like Him, thus changing our desires to match those of His heart. That doesn't mean He doesn't give us what we consider good things, He just gives us those good things that fit into His plan in our lives. We can't forget this meta-narrative is about Him - He's the main character, not us.

I've seen prosperity theology really harm people, from encouraging them to give up life savings to causing them to feel defeated when they try and try and still don't see the answer they "had faith" for.  This isn't an exhaustive exposition on prosperity teaching - I'm not going from any scholarly look here. I'm purely taking this from what I have seen and yes, I too come to this with my own presuppositions and worldview.  I have personally seen people damaged by this teaching and I strongly believe that a right view of God is critical.

Obviously, I wish that this topic had been raised during that portion of The Elephant Room 2.  I also can see that there is a time and a place for such a challenge and understand that maybe this was not it.  One thing I know about challenging someone is that you need to have a relationship with them - if someone doesn't know they are loved and supported then challenges are very often discarded, even when they contain truth. If this was a stepping stone to build relationship with Jakes such that at some point, in love, other things can be discussed with him then who am I to judge? 

However, I really believe leaders also need to be so, so careful when they share a platform with others.  Anyone in leadership is held to a high standard because we are leading. People are watching and you are taking them where you're going.  God is, thankfully, so much bigger than our shortcomings, but we do still have responsibility to those we lead to be checking our heart and methods. What do our actions and words communicate?

Why do I even care about this? I care because it's really easy to get off balance. I don't think the Pharisees intended to become legalistic, judgemental jerks. I think those zillions of rules came from a heart of genuinely trying to love and serve God.  Because our hearts are wicked, it's so easy to take a good thing (wanting to love and serve God) and bring bondage (let's have hundreds of rules so we make sure we're loving and serving God).  King David asked God to search his heart and show him the iniquity in it. I think I need to do that for myself, and always be open for correction. I would hope that the current crop of very highly visible pastors (and those we don't see causing conversation in the Twitterverse) do the same and are just super careful. For the rest of us, I would pray that we are gracious, since theirs is also a very public stage on which to struggle.

There is no easy answer here. What I saw and read made me uneasy, both the overly critical blogs and the sappy sweet ones, and leaving an issue unaddressed during the theological pow-wow that I think is pretty important. As a believer, what do I do about that? So far, the only answer I've come up with is to pray for everyone, myself included, let God be God, and see what happens next.

** After I posted this originally, The Gospel Coalition posted the following blog. It's very helpful, in my opionion. http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/02/03/carson-and-keller-on-jakes-and-the-elephant-room/ **

Pastoral Counseling & "Confronting Sin"

I am a fan of Twitter. It's a neat way to get succinct information from people that interest you or from your friends. I like Facebook for the more in-depth communication and sharing that it allows with people you love and that love you.  The danger, especially with Twitter, is that you have a limited number of characters to get your point across.  I've seen a few quotes or snippets that make me go, "Oh my goodness" - and not in a good way.  I had that experience this morning.  I saw a retweet from Crossway books that contained one line from a blog post called Worship Distorted by Bill Clem of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA, that made me say "Oh my goodness" - not in a good way.

First I need to say that I like Bill Clem. I've heard some of his teaching and read other blogs that are good and spot on.  I'm not saying that this blog isn't good either. I'm going to specifically talk about one line and my concerns.

The quote in question is, "One hundred percent of your pastoral counseling will involve identifying and confronting idols."  To be fair, there is only a small portion of the book from which this came posted and it's specifically addressing the character of God.  My fear? That single line will be re-tweeted and pastors without a solid understanding of counseling will use it and harm their sheep.

I get really nervous about pastoral counseling resources that advocate "confronting sin" out of context (and again, I'm NOT saying this one does - I haven't read it so I can't comment on that book specifically).  It is important to address areas of sin in a counseling situation, but there is way more to counseling than confronting "sin and idols." And even when sin needs to be addressed there are a myriad of ways to do so that aren't outright confrontation.

I have seen far too many pastors take the concept of "confronting sin" and use it to harm their flock.  They berate people, shame them, and generally beat them down in an effort to get some sort of behavioral change.  If sin is a heart issue - and the Bible clearly says that it is - then shaming someone into behavioral change is inefficient at best and downright harmful at worst.  Even if behavioral change can be achieved through shame and guilt, the heart is still the problem and that heart issue will manifest itself in another way.  For example, an alcoholic may be shamed into giving up booze; however, he/she may adopt another addiction, such as food, to provide the same temporary comfort. The exterior behavior is more socially acceptable, but the heart is just as broken.

Good biblical counselors don't overlook sin at all - but they also don't attack the person they are counseling.  They don't use shame or manipulation to achieve behavioral change.  The first thing they do is provide grace - through providing a safe place where the counselee can be him/herself and be messy.  Good biblical counselors work to establish a grace-filled relationship with the counselee before any sort of confrontation is made.  Ironically, confrontation may prove to be wholly unnecessary as the counseling process takes place. In fact, counselees may identify and repent of the sin as God uses the counseling process to effect change.  When confrontation is appropriate, the good biblical counselor knows how to do so using the most appropriate technique - which may or may not be direct.

Pastors would do well to take a good counseling course or two to learn more about the actual process of counseling.  There is so much more to it than telling a church member what he/she needs to do or pointing out areas of sin (although those things are valid and have an appropriate place).  Pastors who engage in counseling relationships would be quite wise to be well-grounded in solid counseling technique in addition to solid gospel theology.  True biblical counseling should include both a solid theology and a solid counseling methodology.

In summary, I have no disagreement with the statement that pastoral counseling has a lot to do with dealing with idolatry; however, pastors really need to know what appropriate and grace-centered counseling looks like and not just be - as I've heard said out loud by pastors - "fruit inspectors."  Above all the Holy Spirit needs to be in control of the whole thing since He is the true Counselor and we are but instruments to be used for God's glory in the counseling process.

The Artist and the Masterpiece

What makes art a masterpiece? According to a 2009 article in the Star Tribune, that is not an easy question to answer.  When The Louvre queried their curators on the topic, many different criteria were offered - "superlative craftsmanship, extraordinary design, great antiquity, rich materials, purity of form, artistic genius, originality, influence on other artists."  I would also like to offer up that who the artist is makes a difference. 

I was recently at the North Carolina Museum of Art and had the pleasure of touring the Rembrandt exhibit.  While the paintings all had titles - "Man in a Hat" or "Man Praying" for example - all were defined as "Rembrandts."  They were deemed valuable because of who the artist was.  As I stood there in the exhibit hall and looked at painting after painting, I thought about what a friend had said to me recently.  He had told me that art points to the artist.  As I stood there in the museum, looking at Rembrandt after Rembrandt - despite whatever they were titled - I realized we were all considering the artist and the work he had done. 

As I thought about other exhibits I've seen there - Monet, Rockwell - I realized they were all titled by the name of the artist.  Each artist had a unique style.  Monet was fairly upbeat in composition, with lots of bright colors.  Rockwell captured American life, including some of its darkness.  While they are held up as iconic and vestiges of a simpler time, to look at them closely told another tale entirely.  There was depth of emotion and his Santas were utterly disturbing when you looked closely.  Rembrandt was just dark in general - partly because of the subject matter, partly because some of the paintings were on oak, which lent to a darker coloring.  Each was distinct and you could line up a piece from each and easily identify the artist.

Interestingly, God is portrayed as an artist and creation - including humans - as His artwork.  In fact, humans are portrayed as God's masterpiece.  In Isaiah 64:8 God is referred to as a potter and to man as the "work of [His] hand."  Ephesians 2:10 refers to us as God's "workmanship."  The word used is poiema - the word from which we get poem.  It is, in essence, stating that we are living poetry.

Looking at how the curators of the Louvre defined the qualities in a masterpiece, I think human beings fit the bill.  Superlative craftsmanship, extraordinary design, rich materials, purity of form, artistic genius, originality - nothing compares to humans in all of creation. How our bodies function is nothing short of amazing, and when you add to it the ability to think and feel and the complexity of human nature I'm in awe. Many people, not just Christians, would agree that human beings are nothing short of a masterpiece.

Here is where it gets interesting for me. I absolutely believe that God's creation, and humans in particular, are astounding works of art.  I absolutely believe that God is the greatest artist of all time.  I believe that people are incredibly valuable - both to God and to me.  I believe that all of creation points to the Creator (Romans 1:20).  I believe God's work should be celebrated and enjoyed.  What I do not believe is that I am a masterpiece, that I have great value, and that the Artist has created me to be enjoyed and give Him glory. 

Oh, I know this logically of course and I thoroughly believe the Bible.  However, when it comes down to brass tacks, I believe it for everyone else - and for them I believe it to the very core of my being and would absolutely fight for them should anyone say differently.  When it comes to me, I see a very different picture.

Why do I suppose that is?  I think it's because I can see all my flaws, every imperfection. I think society has been quite good at helping me see things that don't measure up to its standards - from my figure, to my hair, and on and on.  When I add to that my sin nature and how I know I do things wrong - sometimes very much on purpose simply because I want to - and the fact that I have a perfectionist nature, I can't see past me.

I am absolutely surrounded by the most incredible people. I have a community of people who truly love me.  Until recently I had attributed that love to God's goodness in them - God placing in their hearts the ability to love me - and not even considering that they love me because I am loveable and there are good things about me.  God, who is incredibly gracious, is working to change that in me.  Through a friend, He has really challenged my thinking on me. 

I also don't think I'm the only Christian that struggles with believing for themselves that they are a masterpiece.  A couple weeks ago in my community group the guy leading it asked a question that people struggled to answer. He essentially said, "What in your life glorifies God? We all can talk about all our faults, but what in your life is good and gives glory to God?"  There were 11 people there and it was a huge struggle for individuals to answer that question.  We were all so much more able to point out our weaknesses and when the time came for that question, there was no shortage of conversation.  As I sat there, looking around the faces of people who are incredible, I realized that I could rattle of numerous things about each of them that I thought were glorifying to God.

If it is okay to rejoice in the beauty and artistry of a painting or sculpture or good meal, why is it not okay to celebrate the artistry in ourselves, put there by the Master Artist? His work is beautiful and good - He Himself is beautiful and good.  We delight in God's work in our friends. We don't delight in God's work in our lives and we are incredibly afraid to even acknowledge it lest we sound prideful (or worse actually become prideful).  But that isn't a full picture of God's grace. God's grace is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

There is, of course, an appropriate place to identify, grieve about and repent of sin. I'm pretty good at that one - not always the grieving and repentance part, but most definitely the identification part.  I'm not good at celebrating the beauty part - or even really believing the beauty is there.  For me, this isn't an easy answer.  I've been told by those who love me that there is real beauty there and I've been given lists of what the beauty might look like.  Unfortunately, I still have trouble seeing past the negative and celebrating in the positive. 

I don't know what it will take for God to set me free from this, but I'm quite confident that He wouldn't show me without the plan to do something. He is, after all, faithful to complete the work (Philippians 1:6). And it is His work - "for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13).  I know that I want Him to complete the work so I can take the people I love and see God's masterful artistry in by the hand and point them toward this truth.

On the Job (Ministry) Training

So in the last blog I wrote about what my job has taught me about Christ and how it points me to the gospel.  Today's topic - how my job has prepared me for ministry.  There, all my cards are out on the table. You know where I'm going.

This blog was prompted by a particularly painful conference call. I had to be the bad guy and say some things that were way less than popular. Honestly, that's the life of QA.  People love you when you swoop in to fix some problem (that they knew about, yet failed to tell you) and hate you when you tell them the process they love isn't working. I'm not sure I've ever been in between. I either have folks telling me they love me and buying me plants or telling me they hate me and that I can't possibly understand what they're going through.

Sounds like the life of someone in vocational ministry, no?

I know many pastors and pastor's wives and other ministry leaders who would describe their lives exactly that way. When the pastor steps in during a crisis and is able to, by the grace of God, be helpful, he is lauded and loved.  When a pastor's wife is able to hear something in a counseling session and hone in on the heart of the matter, by wisdom from the Holy Spirit, and God uses it to open the counselee's eyes and heart to the truth she is loved and respected.  Conversely, when a pastor speaks a hard truth that some in the congregation don't like, he is vilified (or gossiped about).  When a pastor's wife won't be your best friend because to do so would be unhealthy for you because you are trying to get a need met that should only be met by Jesus, she is scorned and said to be "cold."

The first time I encountered conflict as part of my job I was nearly undone.  I didn't expect the attack to be quite as vicious and certainly not personal.  It went a little something like this - I find a discrepancy.  The response I got was something like, "How dare some person - a 24-year-old person at that - say that something isn't correct? Doesn't she know what it's like to perform this function? Clearly she is an idiot."  My thought (that I quickly learned to never say out loud in a high stress situation) - "This is business, right? I'm just telling you what the regulatory requirement is and where your documentation was missing some elements (or missing all together).  Let's just fix it and move on."  I was blown away.  Then, after a particularly contentious project was completed, the department we were helping gave me a plant. I actually checked it to make sure it wasn't ticking because I thought they might be out to get me.

The two scenarios - vocational ministry and QA auditor don't sound dissimilar do they?  Simultaneously loved and hated.  I've been at this job for awhile now (closing in on 12 years) and I've been serving in various ministry capacities about as long.  I've seen God grow me in my ability to minister effectively through teaching me in very real on-the-job training.   Don't misunderstand, any capacity I have for effective ministry is from Jesus Christ Himself. What I'm saying is that He has used my job to grow and change me and teach me how to deal with people.

My automatic default, my propensity, is to be a people pleaser. Had it not been for my job I'm pretty convinced that may never have been broken (and yes I know that God can do whatever He chooses, but He used this).  I still struggle with it, but not like I did when I was in my early 20s.  I'm much more comfortable now with relational conflict.  I'm much more comfortable with hearing people and not thinking I have all the answers or I need to pretend to have all the answers so people will think I'm smart or whatever.  I can walk forward, do what needs to be done, treat others well as we do it, and not take that hateful e-mail you just sent after that brutal teleconference personally.  I can look at it from your perspective, search my motives (with God's assistance), and decide if I need to do something differently or work through something with you.

In this regard, what makes me good at my job makes me effective in ministry.  It's much more challenging to get me to take something personally in a ministry setting than it would have been 12 years ago.  I'm not saying that personal attacks don't hurt, they do, but I'm learning more and more to not take them personally.  I'm not going to say that I get this right all the time because I don't, but I'm far better off than I was because God has given me amazing experiences through my job that prepared me well for sitting with people and walking through the muck and mire with them.  Even when it means I'm going to take a couple shots in the process.

So if you're asking yourself, "What is her point?" I'll tell you.  I don't view a divide between what I do for my profession and what I do in ministry - the secular and the sacred. It's all sacred because God goes with me where I go. Not only do I get to be a representative of Christ in my workplace, I also get to be refined by Christ through my workplace. 

One day I may end up in vocational ministry, but even without that I'm still in ministry. Let's consider Romans 8:28 for a moment. God does work all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.  We apply that verse to tragedy and crisis - as well we should - but it also applies to my LIFE. The whole thing. And God works all things including my job for good - both to bless those with whom I work and to refine me.  My job is as sacred as the ministries in which I'm involved.  The people here are no less precious to my Creator than those in my church.  I'm just much better prepared to deal with both because of the work God has done in me through my vocation. 

I would challenge all of us to take a look at the job we perform and ask God what He can show you about Himself and how He has used it to refine you.  You might well be surprised at what you find.

Auditing & the Gospel

For a living I listen to and help address people's problems. Not only do I do that, but I also routinely identify the problem that we need to work on. I'm not a therapist (though I believe I've been fantastically prepared by God to head in that direction). I'm an auditor. Not of the numbers sort - that would just about undo me. I don't have to deal with financials, thank you Jesus.  No, I audit in clinical research. Specifically, I make sure that the appropriate ethics and laws are followed in order to protect people who take experimental medications or use experimental devices.

I've been doing this a long, long time. Just under one-third of my life.  I will say that the vast majority of doctors that conduct clinical research do a good job.  The things I find during an audit are relatively minor and a result of a misunderstanding, not keeping good records, or benign human error.  After doing lots and lots of audits over the years, I've learned that there is just about nothing new under the sun. I've written the same findings numerous times.  I'll be honest in that it can get a little frustrating to have to write the same thing. Again. Sometimes for a person you've already said that to once. Or twice. Or maybe even more (the adage "if it wasn't documented, it wasn't done" applies here - some people just have a tough time keeping good notes, though they do the procedures fine).

I used to get really frustrated and angry at the people who didn't "get it right."  That is until God started opening up the gospel to me.

There are more than a handful of times that God has had to write the same finding over and over for me.  And He never says, "Geez, I wish she'd get it already." He just keeps on loving me, showing me my heart, and offering to complete necessary corrective action for me.  We're all like that, to be honest.  I mean, the nation of Israel serves to show us a series of the same audit findings over and over and over again.  As Matt Chandler says, there are only a couple chapters of good stuff in the Bible before it all goes wrong and sin enters the picture.  Then the findings of idolatry and pride start to show up. And God corrects His people. And they do okay for a minute. Then there they go again. Corrective action (humility, dependence on God) out the window and back we go to the same findings. Again.  And again. And again.

The gospel reminds me that I desperately need Jesus. I can't take the corrective action needed in my life. He has to take it for me, through the power of His Spirit. With each repeat finding, I'm reminded of my need and His patience.  Over time, He works the corrective action out. Theologically speaking this is "sanctification."

This understanding has changed the way I consider repeat audit findings. I'm a lot more compassionate and much less prone to groan about writing the same words. Again. Instead, I try to help educate people, help them understand the rationale for the corrective action, and effect real, lasting change.  It's also an opportunity to love them like Jesus loves me.

I'm a firm believer in that God uses all things for His glory, including our jobs. In my years in this industry (about 16 all together) I've learned a lot about Jesus through the circumstances I've encountered and the skills I've learned.  I'm thankful that Jesus shows me more of Himself through the profession He gifted me for and in which He placed me.